Page 13 of Living at 40

“Because you don’t want Mason to have them?” I have no idea where the sass comes from, but a competitive spirit has always run through the former roommates.

“Fuck Mason.” Logan tugs me tighter to him. His nostrils flare and his breath assaults my lips, but he stills an inch from contact with my mouth.

Kiss me, I want to scream, but then again, I don’t want it like this. I don’t want it because he feels threatened when there isn’t a threat. I’d never sleep with Mason Becker, not even for a baby.

Our chests heave against one another. My breasts swell and ache inside my Crossroads Café tee, and my nipples peak. His firm pecs tease those nipples, eager for attention. His fingers tighten on my upper arms, but still, his mouth keeps its distance.

A door slams outside the garage, and we both flinch, jumping apart as if we’ve been caught kissing. Logan releases my arms, and I step away, missing his nearness as if we were on the cusp of doing more than melding our mouths together. Shaky fingers come to unkissed lips that still sting with the potential. We stare at each other for another second before I duck my head, slip around him, and exit the garage, left with thoughts of what a kiss from Logan Anders might feel like and if it would ever mean anything to him.

6

[Logan]

“Hey, man, what’s wrong with Speck?” Mason asks, finding me standing inside the garage trying to process everything. I have no recollection of what Autumn told me. Not her trying to kiss me. Not me insulting her. Jesus, I don’t think I could have said such a thing about her, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t. A part of being the heavy guy meant feeling the freedom to pick on other large people. That’s not to say it’s politically correct or even personally acceptable, but it happened a lot in my college years while I was young, ignorant, and drunk.

A sense of humor and a hell of a lot of booze kept up a façade—that I was okay with my size—and I was, but I wasn’t impervious. When other kids picked on me for it, I had to protect myself. Jokes made me acceptable to other guys. Humor was a form of flirting, awarding me the beds of several girls. It was a means to an end. It was also a forcefield around being sensitive to my size.

Then I met Chloe. I thought she accepted me. I thought we were equals in our attitude and habits, but after having Lorna, Chloe changed. She never wanted to go through that—meaning a pregnancy—again. She didn’t want to be bigger. She worked hard at losing weight, turning her against me. Eventually, I repulsed my own wife. After we separated, she started dating. They weren’t small, sleek and skinny but they were healthier than me. She swore she hadn’t been unfaithful during our marriage. I suppose, I’m grateful.

The diabetes diagnosis changed my perspective on healthy habits. That and Lorna’s fear I’d leave her. While Chloe and I did everything to assure our daughter we loved her and planned to parent her equally, Lorna worried I’d die when I learned about my health condition. A mind-reset and a new life course had to happen, and I’m happier and healthier for it..

“I . . . she’s mad at me,” I admit, scrubbing two hands down my face.

“Because you keep bringing up the baby thing?” Mason asks.

“I do not,” I snap. Even though it’s been on my mind, only second to how hot Autumn is now.

“You couldn’t let it go at dinner last night.”

I hadn’t said a thing about it. Zack’s the one who brought it up again, informing Autumn that a father would have rights to his child, and Autumn needed to take legal action if she formulated a list of men. In our litigious generation, Zack wanted her to protect herself and her baby.

“I can let it go,” I growl.

“Keep lying to yourself. Tell me how that works out for you.” Mason pats my shoulder and opens his car door, which happens to be parked inside the garage.

“Where are you going?” We aren’t being held hostage, but Ben has made it very clear he wants us around for dinner every night.

“Anna’s sending me on an errand. She said I should pick up condoms for when I sleep with Speck.” Suddenly, I’m slamming Mason against the side of his car and he’s chuckling while I pin him in place. “So much aggression.” His brows wiggle as he shoves me off him. “And so fucking gullible. She can’t get pregnant if I use a condom, dumbass.”

However, even with a condom, Mason got Lynlee’s mother pregnant. He’s the one who brought up his super sperm last night, making jokes that his swimmers surpassed latex and the pill. I’m not impressed and I’m not reassured that Mason doesn’t want to sleep with Autumn.

“Mason,” I hiss, my insides unraveling as my fists clench. I’ve never been a fighter, but I’m turning into one where Autumn is concerned.

“Relax, man. I’m only looking for my sunglasses. Ben wants to hang at the beach before dinner.”

I’ve never understood the friendship between Mason and Ben. Ben is just a great guy, kind and thoughtful, while Mason is thoughtless and selfish to the core. However, their history involves Ben’s father also being kind and Mason’s dad being a dick.

Without another word, I turn away from Mason and head for the house.

+ + +

After taking some time to cool off, I head to the kitchen to find Anna and Autumn with helpers in Mila and Lorna. My earlier bike ride started out as a ruse. I offered to take Mila and Lorna down the inner drive. On our return trip toward the cottage, I asked the girls if they wanted to stop at the café and wait for Autumn, secretly hoping they wouldn’t. Lorna convinced me to let them ride the remainder of the way home without me, and I agreed, giving them space while I needed my own to pursue Autumn.

“Look at all the lovely ladies in this kitchen,” I tease, kissing the top of Lorna’s head before peering up at Autumn. She doesn’t look at me. “What are we making?”

“Tonight is spaghetti,” Mila proudly announces.

“I have whole wheat pasta I can make for you,” Anna states, giving me an understanding smile. That’s when Autumn glances up. She’d been dicing a cucumber.