Page 21 of Living at 40

“And you’d do anything for her, right?”

“Definitely.”

“She gives you purpose.”

He slowly smiles. “Well, most days, yes.”

“That’s what I want. I want to love someone unconditionally. Someone I’d do anything for.” My hands clasp together, coming to my chest as if I’m praying. I don’t believe a child will replace that inner need to love someone as my equal, but a baby would still fill a hole. I don’t want to miss my chance to have a little person because I don’t have a bigger someone permanently in my life.

“I get that,” Logan says, still rubbing my arms while looking over my shoulder at the darkening sky.

“Then let me do what I want and quit making a mockery of it.”

His eyes draw back to me. “I’m not making a mockery of it.”

“This thing between you and Mason is ridiculous. You guys are Ben’s best friends. You’re too close to him, to me. I’m not sleeping with either of you. I’ll just find someone else.”

Slipping around him, I attempt to cross the landing, but his hand catches the crook of my elbow and spins me to face him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s not just find a random dude to hook up with. You want someone who has good genes. A brain not just super sperm and brawn, and you should have someone who can step in if you eventually need support.”

I shake my head. “I have Ben and Anna’s support. That’s all I need.” I don’t need anyone’s permission to do what I want to do, but I do want Ben and Anna to be behind my decision. Anna has questioned the timing, but I’ve assured her it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I’m not getting any younger like my mother reminds me, and this is something I want. I’m financially secure. I run a successful business. I own my own place. Ben and Anna have their own issues with the move but just knowing they’ll be closer to me makes a world of difference. And of course, my mother might eventually come around to the idea.

Logan’s gaze roams my face as if he’s trying to read me, but I don’t have answers to give him. Mason is a player with a solid reputation for sleeping around, not to mention his accidentally impregnating Lynlee’s mother. But Logan? I just don’t understand his motive. He already has a child, and he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to walk away easily from a responsibility. What I’d really like is someone to love me, so I don’t want someone feeling beholden or obligated to me. I only want a baby.

“Good night, Logan,” I say as we seem to be out of words, but I’ve only taken another step before he catches me again, tugs me forward, and crashes his mouth to mine once more.

His kiss is like a hit of something sweet and forbidden. It’s raspberry jam smothering granola and drizzled with chocolate for an extra touch of decadence and naughty under oatmeal crumbles. Instantly, I’m intoxicated by his mouth on mine like I was when he first kissed me.

I want all your kisses.

Heavy words mixed with heady kisses could make a weaker woman swoon, but I’ve been given pretty promises that fell flat before. I don’t want to give in to a lingering crush and a lusty apology years later for a hurt caused when I was young. We’re both adults. Baby-making is serious business.

Still, the warmth of his lips and the weight of his tongue stirs my insides up good. It’s high-speed on a Kitchenaid mixer, and my hips thrust forward once as if my inner channel wants what’s hidden behind his shorts buried deep within me. The idea of slipping over Logan, who is probably just as hot and firm down there as the rest of his body, has my hips rocking against him again. His hand slips under my hair, cupping the back of my neck as he’s been doing all evening while his arm wraps around my back, placing a hand where my backside begins to curve. He presses me tighter to him, deepening the kiss, like he’s afraid to let me go. I give in for another second, sucking at his tongue, drawing courage from his lips, and then I gently push back from him.

“Don’t push me away,” he mutters, but Logan once pushed me, and maybe it was a warning to my adolescent brain that Logan Anders could be very dangerous for me. He’d mess with my head and make my heart want more than he could give.

His mouth fights for mine, but I press once more, tugging my body free from the temptation of his lips and the thick length in his shorts. We both breathe a little heavier than normal. Lifting shaky fingers for my lips, I mumble against them.

“I can’t do this with you.”

+ + +

After running off from Logan and disappearing into my room, a soft knock comes on my bedroom door. It’s late, and I’ve been trying to do everything to distract my thoughts from Logan’s kiss.

“Come in,” I softly call out.

“Hey.” Anna steps through the door, leaning her back against the wood once she closes it. “You disappeared.”

An unspoken question hangs between us. She wants to know details, but I’m not ready to share that Logan kissed me.

“Mason wondered what happened to you.” And there’s the reason. While Anna means well, she has her eyes on the wrong guy. Despite the hurt Logan inflicted when I was young, he always lingered in my heart, and I still found myself attracted to him. He dated countless girls who didn’t seem right for him, and when he married Chloe, I got drunk at the wedding because I felt he’d missed an opportunity with me. They were the forever match when I wanted to be his. When they divorced, I was already wrapped up in Kevin or maybe it was Kenneth by then. I hadn’t given much thought to Logan once I crossed thirty. We saw each other in passing at weddings and a few funerals. I’d accepted he wasn’t for me.

“Anna, Mason is not interested in me.”

Stepping toward the bed, I pull up my feet so Anna can sit at the end of it.

“You don’t need someone interested, though, right? You just want his . . .” Anna waves at her lower region.