Page 56 of Living at 40

“I’ll be staying over the garage,” Mason announces as if to clarify how he’ll be separate but ready when Ben needs him.

“What about work? What will your dad say?” Zack asks as Mason works with his father in their construction company.

“He’ll just have to understand. This is family.”

Tears well in my eyes. Mason can be an ass, but Ben sees something in Mason the rest of us don’t. It’s the only explanation for why he’s remained friends with Mason all these years.

“All right then,” Zack says, holding out his hand for Mason. “You call us if you need support.” The handshake is met with a half hug like guys give, but when Zack moves on to Ben, he holds a little longer. Anna gets a full embrace, and I’m reminded that Zack’s and Anna’s families have been connected the longest. Hugs are passed around, even to his little monsters.

“You be good for your daddy,” I warn Trevor and Oliver, pressing kisses to their heads before they start fighting over who gets to sit where in the back seat.

Logan steps up next, back-clapping Mason. The pounding from each of them sounds harder than necessary. When Logan steps over to Ben, he captures my brother’s face in his large hands and holds it.

“You need anything. Anything. You call me.” His eyes shift to Anna. “Anything.”

Anna nods, and Logan pulls Ben against him, holding a little longer as Zack did. Next, Logan wraps around Anna, and finally, he lifts Mila.

“Thanks for letting Lorna crash in your room.”

“She can come stay with me anytime.” Mila’s little voice sounds grown-up and polished like her mother. Logan presses a kiss to her forehead before lowering her to the ground.

“And stop growing up,” he teasingly warns her.

Lorna wraps her arms around me, and I hold her head to my breasts. She’s almost as tall as me, and when I press her back, I brush her hair behind her ears, looking her right in the eyes.

“Ice cream for dinner is our secret,” I tell her. “And practice your cartwheels.”

Lorna laughs.

“I’d also say stop getting so beautiful, but I know you can’t help yourself.”

Lorna beams at my compliment, displaying how beautiful she is. Someday, the boys will notice too, and Logan will have an issue on his hands. Lorna moves over to hug Ben, Anna, and Mila while Logan shifts to me. His arms wrap around my neck, and he holds me against his chest.

“If I said I had the time of my life, would you hold it against me?”

I chuckle into his neck as the tears I didn’t want to shed begin to leak.

“I’m just thankful you held me against you,” I whisper and choke a bit to fight the sob threatening to break next.

“Dammit, Autumn,” he mutters, soft and broken. “This is not goodbye. We’re still friends. I’ll see you . . .”

When? And whenever it is, it won’t be the same, and we both know it. I might be pregnant with his child, and I might not. The next time I see him could be the loss of someone we love or the beginning of a new life, but we will never be just friends. We’ll always have this summer. Hopefully, we’ll share something else, but it won’t be something we share together if that makes any sense.

I nod to agree. “Thank you,” I whisper to him as he did to me last night. Our gratitude for one another is certainly for different reasons. I’m grateful he gave me this chance. I have no idea why he would thank me. Pressing a kiss to my temple, he lingers a moment. I want him to kiss me, but I know it won’t stop there. I’ll want one more kiss, and then one more night, and then more time in general.

“Let me know when you know something,” he mutters directly against my forehead, and I nod again, unable to find my voice. We could be pregnant. Correction, I could be pregnant, and the thought fills my eyes with blinding liquid.

“Okay, loverboy, time to break,” Mason crassly interjects, and Logan pulls back. His hands cup my face similar to how he held Ben, and his eyes search mine, but mine are too clouded to read his. When he pulls away from me, I still feel the heat of his touch, even as he gives me his back. Even as he climbs into his SUV. Even as he backs out of the driveway.

Mason slips his arm around me, but I don’t feel it across my shoulders. I can’t find the strength to lift my hand and wave as the SUV pauses at the end of the driveway before turning onto the road, leading Logan home.

Goodbye, whispers through my head.

“Aunt Autumn, why are you sad?” Mila asks, and I tip my head to look down at my niece. She was leaning against Anna but stands upright to face me.

“I’m not sad sad,” I tease, forcing a smile. “These are just happy tears because it was a great adventure but over too soon.”

Mila stares at me as if she has no idea what I’m saying, and I admit I don’t either. My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere.