Page 85 of Living at 40

“I know, but Dad doesn’t love his job, and Mom’s gone, and I don’t really like my school. Mila already made her new school sound so fun.”

I’m certain my niece is putting on a brave face—grinning and bearing it, as I’ve just said—because her life is in turmoil as well.

“You know it’s different for Mila, right?”

“Because of her dad.”

“What do you know about Ben?”

“He has cancer. Mila looked it up. He’s going to die.”

Oh God. “But not soon. Not tomorrow or even a year from now.” I hope. I can only hope for a miracle to help him and prolong his life.

“When Dad had his diabetic episode, I worried he’d die too.” Lorna sits up and wipes at her eyes. There are so many emotions rumbling around in her young head.

“Baby, he’s not going anywhere. He’s not moving away. He’s not dying. He’s right here for you every day.” I’d like to be here for Lorna as well because I have such a kindred connection with this girl.

“Hey,” Logan says, placing our drink tray on the table and lowering to a seat beside Lorna. He looks from me to her and back. “Everything okay?”

Lorna answers for us. “Girl talk.”

Logan nods but glances at me once more to make certain Lorna’s speaking the truth.

“We’re perfect, just the way we are.” Lorna sheepishly looks up at me, and her slow smile tells me she’ll be okay.

+ + +

“What was all that at dinner?” Logan asks me once we’re alone on his couch. I’m between his legs, leaning against his chest in the position we were in a few weeks ago. A blanket drapes over my thighs, and he toys with my hair.

“Kids at school are picking on her.” Logan stills his twirling of my hair. “Some of it’s typical immaturity, but it hurts. You know Lorna’s sensitive about her size.”

Logan leans forward to kiss my head. “I hate kids.”

“No, you don’t.” I chuckle.

“Boys are assholes.”

“Girls can be mean, too.” I’m reminded of my own youth and remember how Logan spoke about me once. “More than once, a boy might break her heart or hurt her feelings.”

“I know.” His voice softens. “But I want to protect her from all that pain.”

Shifting, I glance up at his face. Those deep eyes. That scruffy jaw. Those beautiful lips. He’s had his share of pain as well.

“You’re a good dad,” I remind him. “And a great man.”

His face slightly colors at the compliment. “Is it too soon to tell you I love you because I do.”

I shift completely between his thighs to better face him. “It’s not too soon.” My face heats, and a smile pulls at my lips. “I love you, too.”

Warning bells go off in my head, telling me to keep cool, settle down. Don’t read into the phrase. But everything in me says this is right. We are right. I’m finally with the man I’ve crushed on half my life.

Our lips meet, and the remainder of the night disappears in tender kisses and soft caresses, reminding us both that we survived the rough teen years. We’re adults, and we can do as we please. And right now, we only want to please each other.

34

[Logan]

By the middle of October, I’m overwhelmed. We have three new projects at the firm. Chloe rarely checks in with Lorna. My daughter is suffering at middle school, and I hardly have time to see Autumn. It isn’t fair to her, and I argue it isn’t fair to me. I can’t do it all.