Page 20 of Learning at 40

“Kiss me,” I whisper, leaning closer to him. Zack leans toward me as well, and his mouth touches mine. His lips are soft, cautious even, as he takes his time to explore. It’s a front porch kiss after a first date that hasn’t gone well. For a man who just spoke of fingers, lips, and tongue between my thighs, I’m underwhelmed. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I didn’t think he’d kiss like this. And I’d been thinking about his kisses since he showed up in my yard last night. Adding fuel to my desire for him was spending time on the beach with his friends. He was more relaxed around them, more carefree than closed off. He was starting to dazzle me.

Soon enough, he pulls back, and even he looks dissatisfied. Maybe it can only be friendship between us, and that’s fine. We stare at one another for a few seconds, and that intense gaze of his speaks volumes.

“You were holding back,” I whisper, reading it in the tight expression on his face. It’s like watching him with his boys. He’s on the cusp, on the verge of something, but he’s holding it all back. He’s a branch on a tree ready to snap in a fierce wind. He’s too controlled, and for someone in want of not thinking, that kiss was not one to lose his mind in.

He lowers his wineglass to the side of the chaise and then reaches for mine, placing it next to his. He watches me for another moment, and I swallow under his searching gaze. The tension builds between us, and that magnetic sensation occurs, the pull like powerful steel in a room full of soft metal shavings. The intensity of his eyes has me anxious and questioning if I’ve underestimated him.

When my jaw is cupped by both his hands, his mouth crushes mine, and I have instant confirmation that I have strongly misjudged him. The force of this kiss pulls him upright, tipping over me until his tongue thrusts forward. I savor the intrusion and kiss him back with as much fervor. This kiss is firework explosions and crashing waves. It’s summer heat, rushing water, and a touch of everything I’d ever want in a kiss.

With his hands still on my jaw, he sucks at the bottom swell of my lips. His tongue returns like another rush of sky-lighting flames and water slapping soft sand. It’s as if he can’t breathe without kissing me, and it’s more than any kiss I’ve ever experienced.

Guiding me by his grasp on my face, he draws me toward him, and I slowly move without breaking our connection. He continues to lean backward, falling to his back and forcing me to straddle his lap to follow him down to the cushion. I’m in the cotton T-shirt dress I wear to bed, and the short length easily rides up my thighs as I cradle his lap. Our mouths are relentless, thirsty, and unquenchable. A hand shifts to fist my hair at the nape of my neck, and he lowers his lips to my jaw.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful, angel,” he murmurs with praise and awe. His mouth moves to my neck, slowly scraping his teeth along the column of my throat before sucking at the skin. His fist relaxes, and his fingers comb through the locks at the back of my head before tangling his grasp into my hair again. He returns his mouth to mine. His hunger has me wet and squirming over the hard length straining in his khaki shorts. Slowly, he twists us until I’m on my back, and he’s partially over me. His leg slips between my thighs, and his hand lowers to the outside of my upper leg, stroking over my warm skin.

And my hand claps over his to stop him.

Breaking the kiss, he pulls back to look at me. His eyes search mine, and the vulnerable gaze returns. For a confident man, he almost appears frightened.

“Am I fucking this up?” he asks.

“I’m not really a one-night stand kind of girl,” I admit. While I’m hot, pulsing, and greedy for him, I still don’t want to sleep with him on our first night and know he’s next door for nine more without a repeat.

“Ten-day fling,” he whispers, eyes focused on my mouth.

“I think we should stick to one topic at a time.”

“I’m out of practice,” he whispers, biting hard at the bottom curve of his lip while his eyes scan mine. His hand leaves my thigh, and he swipes through my hair again, combing it back from the side of my face. My hair can be wild and slightly wavy after only a wash and air dry.

“Kissing is good. Your kissing is good.” I bite my lip to fight the anxious giggle riding up my throat.

“Can I keep kissing you?” he asks sweetly. Sheepishly.

“I’d like that,” I admit. I want his mouth back on mine. I want him, but one topic at a time, like I said.

He lowers but hovers over my lips. “What else would you like?”

So many things, I think, realizing he can’t give them to me. Only a ten-day fling.

“Just kissing,” I whisper. I’m not opposed to continuing if he keeps kissing me like he was, and his mouth crushes mine to prove he will. His leg remains between my thighs, and I hitch mine over his. We’re as dangerously close to grinding against one another as we were when I was straddling him. My hips buck, and my core clenches. My underwear against his shorts is too much of a barrier yet not enough protection. He’s going to catapult me over the edge if we keep this up.

My fingers delve into his hair, tugging gently at the nape, and his mouth widens, devouring mine while his tongue dances in an erotic twist. I squirm against his thigh and slip my leg farther up and over his hip, acting in opposition to halting him. His hand cups the back of my leg and slips upward to the edge of my backside.

“Christ, you’re gonna make me come with only your mouth,” he mutters before kissing me harder and surging his hips forward. His hard length rubs at my pelvis. This is ridiculous. I should just give in. I should just sleep with him. What is one night compared to all the other nights? The question douses the flame a bit. The odds are not in my favor. For another three hundred and sixty-four nights, I’ll be exactly where I am—alone. Slowly, I pull back.

“Where did you go?” he says, lowering his mouth to my jaw then my neck, peppering softer kisses there.

“What do you mean? I’m right here.” But I stare up at the dark sky overhead, pinpricked with stars.

“In your head. I’m losing you.” He kisses the dip between my collarbone before leaning back. Logic is overruling my libido. My thoughts have taken over, and I find Zack’s window next door just over his shoulder. It isn’t him; it’s me. In ten days, he’ll leave, and I’ll still be here. Alone. My eyes focus on the darkened glass, but Zack cups my jaw, forcing me to look at him.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he says to my lips before meeting my eyes and repeating my words. “Kissing is good. Kissing you is good.”

Kissing, it’s only kissing, but I already know it could be so much more than our mouths meeting. He could be so much more, and I can’t allow that to happen.

Suddenly, his phone rings, and Zack groans, lowering his forehead for my sternum.

“Is that ‘The Imperial March’ from Star Wars?” I laugh at the sound.