Page 5 of Learning at 40

“Is it too much that we’re here?” I ask, loosening the grip on my beer bottle while checking on my boys, who are torturing Mila and Lorna in the water.

“She wants you all here, but it’s also difficult.” Autumn’s statement makes sense. Still, I’m worried about my friend.

“Should we have stayed someplace else?”

“Definitely not,” Autumn reiterates. “This is what Ben wanted. She knows this, and it’s good for her.”

I hear what Autumn’s saying, but I take another glance down the beach at Anna’s retreating back.

“She’ll be okay,” Autumn offers. It’s a lie. We might never be okay. We’ll all be different, but especially Anna.

“So. River?” Mason interjects, attempting to discuss anything other than Ben and Anna. “Wonder if she’s getting laid in your old room.” Mason wiggles his brows at me.

“You really are an ass sometimes,” Logan huffs, taking a pull of his beer. I appreciate he’s offended on my behalf. I hadn’t thought about it before, but with Mason mentioning it, I’m curious now. Has she been in my childhood bedroom? Has she fucked someone all over the house? The thought both sickens me and excites me for some reason, and I realize I need to get laid. Since my divorce, I haven’t branched out like my colleagues have encouraged. Maybe I’ll find someone random on this trip and allow myself a one-night stand. Then again, the last time I had one of those, I ended up with a wife and twins.

“Is she married?” I don’t want her to be, which isn’t really fair. My eyes wander up the cliff in the general direction of the house where I once lived. Is she in the yard now? Unless she stood on the stairs belonging to her property, there’s no way to see her.

“Why? You interested?” Mason arches a brow at me.

“Just curious,” I mutter before taking a hardy sip of my beer. My eyes are still drawn up the cliff, wondering, wondering, wondering.

“Well, you know what they say about curiosity and cats?”

Please don’t let him say it killed cats because talking about death isn’t appropriate right now. I briefly close my eyes as Mason’s mischievous voice warns us his wisdom will be anything but politically correct.

“It can lead you to some pretty kitty, and that’s a direct body part reference.” Mason huffs, proud of his analogy as he points at me around the bottleneck of his beer.

“You’re so inappropriate.” Autumn chuckles.

“That’s what kitties like best about me.” Mason wiggles his brows once more.

As Mason continues to be inappropriately appropriate, I can’t remember the last time I saw a kitty, and my thoughts race back to River. What does she look like underneath that sheer dress? What would her skin feel like under my hands? What color are those eyes that looked up at me in the dark?

Yeah, I was definitely curious about her—kitty and all.

2

[Zack]

That night, Mason prepares dinner, which shocks the shit out of Logan and me.

“You can cook? Since when?” Logan questions.

“Since always,” Mason mutters.

Dinner passes in chaos as it does when the number of kids almost outnumbers the adults present. Once the dishes are done and my sons put to bed, we gather around the sitting area off the kitchen. The difficult memory of Ben telling us about his illness returns, and then I recall sitting here on the day of his funeral.

My head turns in the direction of the house next door. Nothing can be seen of the structure through the sliver of the window beside the fireplace. The sun setting across the lake casts a glittery glow over the tall shrubbery, blocking out any view of the other yard from this level. I don’t need to see the house to know what it looks like, though. Until I was a teenager, I lived there, so the layout is burned into my memory. It was nothing remarkable compared to this cottage—which is more like a sprawling mansion on the cliff. Our house was rather modest, just a two-story Cape Cod big enough for a family of four with a yard full of history.

“So, I have something for everyone,” Autumn announces, startling even her husband. He rubs a hand up her back and cups her neck. She’s finally baby free as mini-Ben is in his car seat sleeping.

“Before Ben passed away, he gave me an envelope for each of you.”

“Jesus,” Mason hisses.

Anna closes her eyes. “How did I not know about this?”

Now I’m the one surprised. Anna and Ben shared everything with each other.