Page 51 of Learning at 40

Strangely, I was jealous of the hospital dining center. I wanted to feed her greasy food. I wanted to take care of her. I almost had a heart attack when she called out, Zacky, I’m home, upon entering Anna’s place last night. I wanted to have her greet me like that every day after a shift. Maybe not the Zacky part, but I’d rush home myself at the end of each day just to greet her the same way. Hell, I’d work from home to be near her and spend more time with my boys. Home. My home in Detroit.

I was also envious River went out with Anna and Autumn, which was completely ridiculous, but I’d missed out on a night with her. Time seemed to be winding down, which reminded me I still hadn’t found my watch, and I kept forgetting to ask River if I left it at her place. I didn’t wear it as much while I was here vacationing, but I’d still put it on several times until I’d misplaced it. At least, I hoped I’d misplaced it versus losing it completely. It was sentimental, even if it was only a gift to myself. It marked the passing of time. The end of putting myself through school and the start of a new career. It was a time when I thought I’d shut the door on my father’s sins. I was ready to move on. Selecting law as a profession was an easy decision. I’d been wronged by my father, who wronged others, and I wanted to make the world right. I wanted justice for those who deserved it and penance for those who didn’t.

I was searching for my watch once more when I heard raised voices coming from the kitchen below. On occasion, there were disagreements within the house between children or between a parent and their child. Lord knows I’d had a few altercations with my twins, but when I really thought about it, they’d been a little less rebellious this trip. Just a little.

As the voices carried, the female strain sounded above the rest, and I took my time descending the staircase. I didn’t want to intrude, but things were escalating in the kitchen.

“Why can’t I go?” The whine from Calvin surprised me. As far as teens went, he was laid-back and easy to please. He hadn’t protested too much when his parents decided to move the family to Lakeside. Ben checked in with him often about his feelings as he’d switched school midway through his four years of high school. To appease him in some ways, Calvin was given Ben’s old truck as Ben hardly drove himself anywhere in the last year of his life. Soon, Calvin would be applying to colleges and selecting a future. He would be a senior in a month. Another change was going to happen for my dear friend Anna. Her oldest child would leave her.

“Because I said so.” Her voice rose as I neared the kitchen. I held back in the entryway, listening to their argument.

“That isn’t an answer,” Calvin argues, and he wasn’t exactly wrong, but he was a good kid who respected his parents’ decisions most of the time. “I don’t understand. It’s only for the weekend.”

“I’m not letting you drive back to Chicago on your own.”

“I’m eighteen. I’m old enough.”

“Yes, and at eighteen, I’d consider you old enough to clean your room, but there is that.” Anna’s rebuttal doesn’t quite fit the crime in my opinion.

“You’re being unreasonable,” Calvin states, and for just a second, he sounds exactly like his father. As a matter of fact, from this distance and without seeing him, I might have assumed it was Ben disagreeing with Anna, if I didn’t know better.

“I am not unreasonable.” Anna’s voice seethes with anger, and I imagine having an argument with her eldest child while hungover isn’t something high on her list of things to handle today.

“Mom,” Calvin whines, and the youth in his voice returns.

“No. I’m sorry, but I’m not letting you drive to the city alone.”

“You said I could return whenever I wanted to see my friends, and I want to see Devon, Marco, and Keli.”

“Keli?” Anna’s voice cracks.

A pause follows before Calvin speaks again. “Is this about Keli? You don’t like her, so I can’t go.”

“I never said I don’t like her,” Anna remarks.

“You know, you and Dad fell in love in high school,” Calvin continues, and Anna gasps. My own breath hitches as I realize this is not a good defense to give his mother. “Dad would understand.”

“Well, your father isn’t here.” Anna’s voice rises, and something shatters. With that, I enter the kitchen to find Mason a few feet behind Anna. She remains frozen in place as she stares at the broken platter, and Calvin is equally stunned by his mother’s reaction.

Then Anna breaks into tears, and Calvin steps forward, but Anna holds out a hand. “No. Go to your room.”

Calvin glances up at Mason over his mother’s shoulder, and Mason just shakes his head, signaling for him to do as his mother said. The teen storms away, and Anna sobs harder, leaning forward to grasp the edge of the countertop, bending in half as the wracking wails come from her. Mason steps forward and then stops, his eyes panicked. Slowly, he lowers a hand for her back, and she snaps upright, spinning to face him.

“Don’t.” Her bark is so sharp when Anna typically has no bite to her. She was this shy, quiet girl who captured Ben’s attention, and he wouldn’t let her pull back from him. He read her and knew how to bring her out of her shell just enough to draw her to him. He would tell us over and over again it was love at first sight. He wouldn’t let her shyness, inexperience, or economic status get in the way of winning her heart.

Mason stills, and I draw closer.

“Anna.” Her name is a low cry, and she turns in my direction. Seeing me, perhaps she realizes she had another witness to her breakdown, or maybe she’s just so broken. It doesn’t matter to me. I simply open my arms, and Anna walks into me, covering her face against my chest as I wrap my arms around her. Her shoulders shake. Her muffled cry hurts my heart, and I glance up at Mason. His fingers are deep in his hair on the sides of his head, tugging at the locks in frustration. I know he wanted to hold her. He wants to comfort her, and he’s suffering from his own heartache in more than one manner when it comes to Anna Kulis.

With a slow shake of his head, he pivots on his heels and steps through the door leading outside. It slams behind him, and he crosses the patio, heading for the stairs lowering to the beach. Someone should go after him, but I’m only one person, and Anna needs my support most at this moment.

+ + +

Anna’s breakdown happens shortly before dinnertime, and after I guide her to her room, I pick up the broken platter pieces. Before depositing Anna in her bed, she said something to me, and the words play on repeat in my head.

Hold on to her, Zack. Hold her so hard her heartbeat is actually yours.

As I’m vacuuming, Mila sheepishly comes down the stairs asking if her mom is okay.