Page 103 of Loving at 40

“About that—”

“None of my business,” I immediately interject, holding up a hand and tilting my head so my eyes don’t fall where they shouldn’t.

“Yeah, I’d appreciate if you don’t say anything.” His voice lowers as do his eyes toward the floor.

“Not saying a word,” I admit, holding my breath a second. “But if I might say one thing . . .”

“Somehow, I figured you would.”

Here’s the thing about Mason. Despite his good looks, his seductive charms, and the fact he is good in bed from the one night I remember twenty-something years ago, he has a heart as we all do. He isn’t impervious to the reckless one-night stands and failed relationships if one can even call his time with Samantha, the mother of his child, a relationship. He’s devoted more than he’s been given credit because people look at how he is with women and not how he is as a man. As a friend. As a brother to others. He’s great with Anna’s kids and has been loyal to Ben’s memory. It’s his own emotions that have me concerned.

“Are you sure this is smart?” I question, and Mason sighs.

His rigid body slumps a bit. “I’m not a mistake,” he defends.

I have no idea what he means by that statement. “I’m not saying you are. I’m asking about you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Mason’s feelings are written all over him. The only one blind to his emotions is the one person who should take a better look. While I’m equally worried about Anna, Mason has more to lose here. He’s been Ben’s friend. He’s been in the shadows, and there’s a fine line between light and dark. If he attempts something with Anna and it backfires, he could lose them all in the name of that loyalty to Ben. Then again, Anna is still living, and she deserves to move forward. It doesn’t diminish her feelings for Ben or her commitment to him, but Ben isn’t coming back, and that’s difficult to swallow.

I know. I was there once.

She’s too young to pine for someone she can no longer hold. And Mason is too old to keep pretending he isn’t in love with his best friend’s widow.

Mason snorts at my concern for his feelings. He looks away. He looks back. Then he sees I mean what I’ve said.

“How can I be hurt? I’ve had years to protect myself. Decades actually.” He huffs again, emphasizing how long his emotions have swirled around the unobtainable woman.

“Are you sure she isn’t someone you want only because you haven’t ever been able to have her?”

Mason levels me with a sharp glare before his brows pinch and his expression deflates. “Don’t you think I’ve tried to tell myself that? Tried to convince myself that must be it. The reason I’m so attracted to her is because she isn’t attracted to me, or because she’s the only woman I haven’t had.” His voice fills with frustration as he digs his fingers into his hair at the top of his head. Abruptly, he pulls his hands forward as if ripping out his own hair.

“I’ve tried everything I can to not think about her.” His eyes shift sideways, in the direction of the hall leading to another portion of the house. “And it’s never worked. Not another woman. Not too much booze. Not living away from here. Hell, not even having her under my feet, thinking I’d get sick of her and her charts and schedules and need to delegate and dictate.” His voice grows louder, and I chuckle despite myself as he’s ticking off Anna’s teacher traits that filter into all she does, much like me.

“What are you doing then?” My eyes dip to his boxers and quickly glance away.

“Nothing happened.” He sighs. “Nothing’s happening.” The second sentence confirms his frustration. Despite any thoughts I might imagine because he’s standing in his boxer briefs, sneaking out of Anna’s room, it’s evident in his voice that things have not progressed where my wild imagination has taken me.

“What will you do?” Although I’ve told him it’s none of my business, I also want Mason to understand I’m his friend. I’m her friend, too. I want what’s best for both of them, but whether that’s them together or separate, I don’t know yet. “Admit your feelings to her or keep fighting them?”

“Maybe that’s a question for Anna.” His sudden sharp tone surprises me, and on that, he spins away from me, taking his time to enter the front hallway for the staircase leading up to a bedroom he hasn’t spent the night in.

+ + +

Later that day, I’m holding River’s newborn baby girl, Lake. She’s as cute as a button and so good despite the chaos around her. Mila and Lorna have the twins, Trevor and Oliver, along with my girls in a complicated game of Twister, only the boys are trying not to touch the girls, and it’s comical to watch. Logan and Autumn are here, along with Zack and Anna. Mason has disappeared.

I’m swaying back and forth, rocking little Lake in my arms, and glance up to see Archer looking at Autumn. Her belly distended as she’s due in a few months with baby number two. Archer catches me watching him, and he sheepishly smiles as his eyes lower for Lake in my arms.

“I’m forty-two,” I state, still rocking side to side to keep Lake content.

“Is that old, ’Locks?” He’s teasing while the question runs deeper.

“Might be cutting it close.”

He nods and gives me a little smirk, crooking up the side of his lips.

Is he suggesting he wants a baby? There’s no doubt how he feels about my girls. I’ve heard him tell them both he loves them at bedtime, and Rosie tells me that’s what daddies say to their kids. She’s already accepting him as her father when we haven’t even discussed the possibility of marriage. I’m not expecting Archer to marry me although it’s getting to the point I can no longer say he’s staying at my place like he’s only there on a visit. He’s staying period if he’s investing in public safety measures for the county where I live.

“I couldn’t promise a boy,” I state for some reason as if we’re even having a serious conversation, and one that’s out loud instead of with our eyes which are locked on one another.