Page 5 of Loving at 40

“I can sleep on the couch, ’Locks.” The offer is the same as last night. Anna turns her head toward me, narrowing her eyes.

“I can stay in the room with the girls. There are two beds in there.” The two-bedroom apartment has two twins in one room with a queen-size bed in the other. In my room, where I found little Miss Raven Hair sleeping in my bed. I don’t own a home or have a place I call one. The apartment over the garage is my haven. Nine times out of ten, I’d crash here between missions once the summer season was finished, and my sister had gone back to her original house. Anna doesn’t understand how much I value that apartment space. Now that I’m older, Lakeside is the only place I feel at peace. Once I come down from the high of an assignment, I need this time. I need it now.

Anna glances from me to Jenna. Her eyes are wary as she gazes at the beauty before her. She definitely wants her friend here for whatever reason, and I can’t really kick the woman out. I mean, I could—easily—but I don’t want her to pack up her kids and go. We’re adults, and the apartment has plenty of space. How difficult could it be to share it for a little bit?

“Stay.” My voice catches on the word, and strangely, I mean what I’ve said. I want her to stay for some reason. When Jenna looks back at me, all cautious and concerned, my brain short-circuits with a memory.

You don’t deserve love, Archer. The female who said those words taunts me, and I quickly shake the recall.

“If you’re sure . . .” Jenna’s eyes soften. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I saw relief in her expression.

Was I sure?

No woman would love you like I did. I shake the voice again. I wasn’t certain of anything anymore.

“So how long you stayin’, babe?” I tip up my chin, telling myself I can do this. I can pretend sharing space with a beauty like her won’t be an issue for me. I can handle a woman and her daughters for a few days.

A shy smile lifts the lips that haunted my fantasies last night. The same ones I can’t seem to take my eyes off as they slowly curl into a crooked grin and send my dick into all kinds of notions it shouldn’t be thinking.

“Two weeks.”

Fuck.

3

[Jenna]

He’s so frickity good looking. Standing inside the kitchen, he pinned me in place with those eyes, and I couldn’t have walked away even if he was begging me to leave. Something was intriguing about Archer McCaryn, and while I couldn’t get a read on him, my body definitely wanted a chance to trace the fine lines of his face and the deep divots of his abs which were on display last night. Something closed off rested behind his deep, soulful eyes, and while everything in me screamed to look away, I couldn’t. I was drawn to him like I haven’t been drawn to another man in over five years.

Maybe it was those large muscular arms caging me in last night. Or the weight of his hand that cupped my breast, the sensation lingering long after I attempted to find sleep. Or possibly, it was what he said in that sandpaper voice of his.

I want you to stay.

I didn’t want to read into the simple statement, but his earnest tone along with a fleeting sorrow reflected in those midnight eyes stopped me from second-guessing his sincerity.

“I’m so sorry this happened. I swear he said he wasn’t coming here until the end of August. Everyone would be cleared out before he arrived.” Anna apologizes again once Archer exits the kitchen, but I still can’t shake the way he looked at me.

He wanted something from me, but I couldn’t begin to decipher what that might be. I didn’t know much about Archer McCaryn, but neither did his sister. He’d been absent every time I’d seen her in the past few years, and I only heard snippets of his name here and there.

Eventually, Anna and I lug the kids, bags of snacks, plus towels and toys down one hundred and fifty stairs to the beach along the lakeshore below, and she explains a few things about her mysterious brother.

“While I was in college, Archer went into the police academy. Once he graduated, he only worked a few years for the department before he disappeared. My mom thought he was into drugs. I thought he was just wayward. A vagabond of sorts, full of wanderlust. I think my dad knew the truth. Archer would show up here on the off-season when the tourist crowds were gone, and the community settled into quiet. He’d be beat up at times. Other times, he’d be wounded more than a street fight. Sometimes, he just seemed weary. He wouldn’t talk about what happened.” Anna smiles softly as she glances toward the water’s edge, where Mila, her twelve-year-old daughter, builds a sandcastle with Talia and Rosie. We sit among a set of sturdy Adirondack chairs facing the massive lake. “Ben might have also known the truth. I don’t know why he never told me, though. He would just say Archer can handle himself.”

Ben. My heart broke for my friend. It has been a little over a year since her husband’s death. She fell in love with him before her senior year of high school, and they dated all through college. Shortly after graduation, they married. He was a great guy with a rambunctious set of friends. I’d seen Mason Becker a time or two as his construction company builds million-dollar mansions in the area around Elk Lake where I live. He’s a total player, and I would know as I slept with him once back in college. We brush past the memory whenever we see one another. He still maintains a playboy reputation even in his forties.

During the first two weeks of August, Ben’s friends agreed to gather at Lakeside Cottage to remember his passing and celebrate their final vacation with him two years ago. For this first anniversary date, Anna invited me to visit as well.

“I could use a friend who might understand my position.”

I’d lost my husband when Rosie was still a baby.

Anna and I had stayed in touch over the years. I’d been down to visit Lakeside Cottage, the family’s vacation home, on occasion, but it hadn’t been for more than a weekend in the past. When she asked me to stay for two weeks, I hesitated, but that’s when she offered me the apartment. I’d have some privacy with my little ones but still be included in the activities when chaos invaded the main house.

“Most events revolve around the guys. Golfing. Fishing. Barhopping. But dinner is a must. Ben wanted his friends to come together and regroup here. Re-center.” The request is strange considering the four men went into business together shortly before Ben died, forming a company called Four Points that encompasses design and construction, plus landscaping and real estate legalese. Each man has an expertise in the areas involved.

“I could throttle Archer for showing up like this. It’s so like him.” Anna sighs. “Are you sure you don’t mind staying in the apartment with him? I swear I can kick him out. It might feel good to kick him out.” She’s teasing. If she hasn’t seen her brother in years, she needs to spend time with him. They need to reconnect.

Was I certain I could stay in an apartment with a gruff but attractive man? We’re both adults, and my girls will be present. What could possibly happen?