Page 88 of Loving at 40

“Pretending this isn’t going to be a thing.” He points back and forth between us.

“I was never pretending with you.” Gritting my teeth, I step toward him. He steps closer to me at the same time.

“And I wasn’t pretending with you either.”

“Then what were you doing with me?”

“I was hoping you’d love me.” His words bring everything to a screeching halt. My heart skips a beat. My belly drops, and all my anger crashes into itself.

“I told you what she said. I didn’t deserve love, and no one would ever love me, but when I’m with you and the girls, I feel . . . something vibrating all around you, and I want it wrapped around me. For a little while, I felt it coming off you and covering me. When you were in my bed. When you were in my place. When you let me spend time with you and the princesses. It was always there, swirling around you, curling around me. That time was too short. I want more.” He reaches for the back of my head. “I want it more than I’ve wanted anything.”

I stare at him, still stunned by his admission.

“It’s a lot to ask, but I’m asking, ’Locks. Give me another chance. I’m not going anywhere.”

“What about the department?” What about another assignment? Another case where he needs to seduce someone? Mentioning his leave of absence moments ago was the first I’d heard him speak of the future.

“I’m not going back.”

“What?” My voice strains, quiet and low.

“I don’t have medical clearance for fieldwork, and I can’t handle a desk job. It’s time to walk away.”

I can’t believe he’s giving it up. “Don’t do this for me,” I whisper.

“I’m doing it for me. I’m a selfish man, Jenna. I want to be here for me. For what I know you can give me.”

I was hoping you could love me.

“And I’m going to try like hell to give it back to you.” His fingers dig into the hair on the back of my head. “So I’m asking again, are you done yet?”

“Yes. No. What’s the question again?” I whisper.

He softly chuckles. “Jenna,” Archer whispers as his hand comes to rest over my racing heart. “I’m sorry.” Everything in his tone, his eyes, and his expression says he’s truly apologetic for leaving me before, and he isn’t leaving again.

When I nod once to accept his apology, his mouth is on mine. This kiss is a claiming and a commitment. Tongue and teeth and lips, and embarrassingly erotic for a bathroom hallway, but I couldn’t pull back even if I wanted to. And I didn’t want to. I wanted to wallow in his apology and accept his request.

I was hoping you could love me.

I can. I will. I do.

A sharp cough breaks us apart.

Leon stands at the end of the hallway, lowering his fist from his mouth. “I’m assuming she’s not under arrest, Officer.”

I glance at Archer, who has slipped his arm around me and tugged me into his side. Leon’s and Archer’s eyes lock on one another.

“She’s my future,” Archer states, surprising both Leon and me.

Leon’s brows lift.

“How do you two know each other?” I ask.

“We don’t. At least not as we are now.” Leon steps forward and holds out a hand. “Leon Ramirez.”

“Archer McCaryn.” Archer introduces himself, and I watch as they clasp hands. An entire conversation is happening with those hands clapping together, but I don’t hear words until Leon speaks.

“You cause her trouble, and you’ll hear from me.” The warning in Leon’s tone is clear, but his protective stance on my behalf surprises me.