Page 59 of Hauling Ashe

“Because I know how you feel about flying and I would never push you to do something that made you uncomfortable.”

“You aren’t pushing me.” I pause. “Or rather, maybe I need a push, Mae. I can’t be scared my entire life.”

“But flying is a big deal.”

“And it’s the best way to view the Canyon.”

“I was just saying—”

“And I’m just saying… we’re going to see the Grand Canyon and we’re going to do it the right way.”

Mae glances toward the building and the row of helicopters on landing pads.

“It’s not in the budget,” she whispers. I admit, the expense isn’t cheap, but I wouldn’t have expected Mae to pay the amount even if she could splurge on the fee. Twisting back to me, her eyes search mine. “I don’t want you to do this.”

“Why?” We lock eyes a second. “Because of the money?” She wouldn’t let me buy her the new silver bracelet she wears, and we’ve fought over every hotel expense and dinner bill. She’s not paying for this, though. “It’s my treat.”

“It’s too much.” Her hard glare tells me she doesn’t mean the money. She’s worried about me and her tightening clutch on my wrist says as much.

“If you don’t want to do it, we don’t have to.” I’ll admit my heart is racing and I’m having second thoughts, but I won’t chicken out unless she’s adamant she wants to pass.

“Aren’t you afraid?” she whispers.

“I am, Mae. I’m frightened out of my mind, but I want to do this. With you, I want to do this.” I reach for her cheek and pull her to me, brushing my lips over hers. “Not going to lie. I’m going to be squeezing the crap out of your hand, but with you, I’ll be safe.” Everything in me says I’m speaking the truth.

I’m safe with Mae.

She softly chuckles. “You know I can’t assure you of that, but this is almost too exciting to pass up.” Her enthusiasm slowly climbs again.

“Then don’t pass. Do this for me. Do this with me.” I’m giving her this gift because she deserves it. She’s already given me so much and that damn harmonica, now in my pocket, is the best gift I’ve ever received. But I also want her to do this with me even when I know I need to take this flight for myself. I need to brave my fear of flying, if only in a helicopter. I hate being afraid and she said it so perfectly. I’m tired of not taking the risk.

27

Playlist: “Bulger’s Dream Olympic Fanfare” – performed by John Williams and The Bands of HM Royal Marines

“The Star -Spangled Banner/National Anthem” – performed by Whitney Houston

[Mae]

I’m stunned. By his insistence. By his gift. Tucker is nervous. The stiffness of his body hints at his unease, but as we walk along a mural inside the waiting area, I silently point out to him the chopper company’s safety record. Only six deaths in seventy years. The odds seem in our favor. When our name is called, we’re introduced to Troy, our pilot, and then led to the helipad. Instructions are given about the harness belt and safety regulations, then we’re told to sit back and relax. I’m between Troy and Tucker as we sit in the front of the copter. The bubble glass windshield is perfect for viewing.

“Have your phones ready,” Troy cheerfully suggests. I do hold the device in my hand, but with my other hand, I’m clutching Tucker’s. Admittedly, I’m anxious as well. I’ve never flown in something like this, and I talk myself out of what goes up must come down, reminding myself of the safety record of the company. I also say a silent prayer of gratitude for this opportunity. I never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d be taking a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon. And it’s all possible because of Tucker. He’s braving his fear for me.

I squeeze harder at his clenched fist which is white knuckling my fingers. “Doing okay?” I ask him despite the earmuff style headphones protecting us. It’s also the mode of communication with the pilot and a soft audio-recording plays us the history of the forest beneath as we approach the canyon. Troy explains our flight pattern and I marvel at the steadiness of his control.

Tucker stiffly nods and keeps his eyes forward. Troy already explained where the airsick bags were located and emphasized using them if we felt ill. “I’ve seen it before. I repeat, do not be afraid to use them.” He laughed.

Eventually, music fills my ears and Troy warns, “This is the best view.” The music reaches a crescendo of drums, and the helicopter pulls off the cliff and over the canyon. My heart drops, but it isn’t fear. It’s the grandeur and the beauty of this country, my country. The land looks untouched by time although erosion and climate change have had some effect on the canyon environment. This place is truly a wonder and it’s hard to believe such a beautiful space exists when people live on top of one another in large cities. There is still so much area uninhabited on our planet.

And this right here is the pinnacle of my spiritual road trip.

I wanted something to wow me, overwhelm me, and it’s right before me in the majestic, rich red and soft pink rock formations. Turning to Tucker, I check on him and realize he’s also been a huge part of this soul-searching journey. I can no longer imagine taking this trip without him, and I’m grateful once more that I didn’t have to. He’s been beside me through it all and I’d never change this new piece of my history.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” I say to him, yelling over the noise of rotating propellers. Tucker slowly turns his head to me, eyes wide and dry.

“So beautiful,” he says, keeping his gaze on me for a moment. His hand is clenching mine so hard it’s possible I might bruise from his hold, but his touch will be worth every purple mark.

“You’re doing it,” I tell him, smiling large. He’s flying.