Page 98 of Merging Wright

“You’re sleeping with him, right?”

I turn my head slightly and peer at my sister.

“That’s what I thought. And there’s no way that tall drink of water man isn’t satisfying you there, so what is it?”

I almost hate how Lindee can read me. “You know I’ve had a love-hate crush on Mach forever. I’ve always wanted to experience him.” I wiggle my brows in suggestion. “And now I have him but . . . it’s my heart that’s in the way.”

Lindee’s brows lift. “Do you love him?”

I turn toward the river, unable to answer. I’ve definitely fallen for my husband, but I don’t want to love him knowing he isn’t capable of loving me back. “I shouldn’t.”

“But you do?” Lindee confirms.

I chew on my lower lip. “I don’t think I’m a sound judge of men.” Have I gotten myself into another Ripley situation?

“I don’t think you’d ever let anyone take advantage of you again.”

“I won’t.” But hadn’t I? Mach and I are having sex, enjoying the physical aspects of a marriage, but the rest of our commitment is a business arrangement. And I need to speak to Mach because I’m no longer certain a partnership at Impact is my future. At forty-five, with twenty years in marketing, the need for something different is creeping in. A new path wants to be forged in my life.

Lindee nudges my arm with hers. “So, let me see the rest of the town.” Excited interest fills her voice and her cheer is what I need. When she entered the kitchen, my eyes clouded with tears I fought like hell to suppress. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe Mach’s response to me still in character was nothing. But I can’t seem to shake the unease. Still, I need the distraction my sister provides, so I stand and lead Lindee through town, chattering away about the improvements done and still to come.

“We’re still working on painting the town.” I’d already sent images to Lindee, describing how I wanted to give the exteriors more character. Bright colors on the plainer buildings. Fresh canvas on old awnings. Hanging signs that offer continuity. A new Wrightwood. The town’s transformation feels strangely metaphoric for me.

“I have some time between projects. I could stay a few days and help. Plus, I want to inspect the big house, as you call that huge home, and come up with some specs for a possible renovation.”

“Thank you.” I exhale in relief.

Camilla is holding firm to her decision to sell Trixie’s and use the money to upgrade the house. One of her technicians is interested in buying the beauty salon. Mach and Myles want to gift their mother the changes needed for the big house.

Lindee’s decision to stay a few days is a huge relief because I could use some family of my own here. She’s the distraction I need to step back from Mach and give myself a little separation from my emotions.

Tell me you want me inside you. The statement has a double meaning. He’s deep, deep within me in my heart and my head, but I need to rein in my body. Orgasms are clouding the issue. We are only supposed to be pretending. Within a few months, though, things have gotten out of hand. If I don’t step back, I’ll misplace more than my perspective. I’m in danger of losing my heart, having it broken again by another boss-employee relationship. Because Mach is still my boss and I still work for him. Overwhelmed by my melancholy mood, I shake off the reminder. I have buildings to freshen up instead.

+ + +

Camilla invites Lindee to stay in the big house, and Lindee accepts, as it will help her develop a better feel for the place’s renovations. So far, she isn’t recommending much structural work other than the kitchen area. A total rehab needs to be done there.

With Lindee as an excuse, I’m able to keep my physical distance from Mach for a few days. One night, we go to Trophy’s for a girls’ night on the town with Stella and Georgia. Midweek, Lindee and I go into Charleston to visit a textile place she is familiar with to look at fabric swatches and wallpaper samples for Camilla’s home.

Another night, Lindee and I stay up watching romantic comedies that break my heart. I want a love like that—sappy and rich—but life isn’t a ninety-minute journey. We travel ups and downs, hearts full and hearts break, and we measure our worth by how we weather the road. Currently, I’m a steady sedan with a faulty tire. I need to fix it or I’m going to crash soon.

After too much wine, popcorn, and laughs, I crawl into bed with Lindee one night, reminding us of when we were teens and occasionally shared a bed on family trips. Or when I visited her in college. Or she came to see me when I first moved to Chicago and only had a studio apartment to live in. Those times feel forever ago, and I need this night with my sister. Snuggling in next to her, we giggle like we did as kids.

“You know, I think he really does love you,” Lindee whispers in the dark.

“Why would you say that?”

“The way he looks at you. The intensity is like he wants to devour you and protect you and keep you as his.”

“He does not.” I laugh, the sound bitter.

“I think he does, but he also looks scared, like any minute he might lose you. You told me about his first wife. Maybe he’s just afraid to love again.”

Lindee might be right but she’s also wrong. Mach is a strong-willed man and if he wanted to love again, he’d find a way.

Like he did in convincing me to pretend to be his wife.

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