Page 124 of Letting Go at 40

Then again, I’ve never had to do this before either. It’s time to make a new choice.

I pick Mason.

Chapter 43

1 Month Ago

August

Wedding Rehearsal

[Anna]

Unfortunately, Mason avoids the house for the next week.

The plan was for Archer and Jenna to take over the garage apartment with Rosie and Talia. Mason and Lynlee would relocate to the main house for the ten days Archer and Jenna are present. Autumn and Ben’s mother, Ruth, will be staying in the house as well. Additional guests are staying at Bluebird Hollow Inn where the reception will be held. Archer and Jenna have mutual friends from Elk Lake City where Archer moved into Jenna’s home.

However, I had no idea if Mason and Lynlee would stay as planned until the last minute, when they walk in with Ruth Kulis in tow. Mason picked Ruth up at the airport.

“Hello family,” Ben’s mother calls out and Mila rushes toward her only grandparent. The two embrace and it’s a brief reminder of all Ben will miss. The continuing relationship of his children with Ruth. She’s had her own struggles, dealing with the fact she is outliving her son. Still, Ruth has a similar philosophy to Ben.

Be grateful for the days you have and what remains in your life.

Embraces are shared and Ruth’s presence is a welcome distraction from the tension between Mason and me. A week has been too long for the stilted texts we’ve shared about pickups, summer-day activities, and the wedding preparations.

“The most handsome man picked me up at the airport and look who I found in the backseat?” Ruth reaches out for Lynlee and tugs her to her side as if she hasn’t already just spent an hour in the car with her. “Isn’t she the most beautiful gift?”

Ruth presses a kiss to Lynlee’s head, still squeezing her little form. My gaze leaps to Mason before dropping back to Lynlee.

“Yes. She is one of the greatest gifts.”

I seek Mason again, willing him to read how much I consider him a gift as well. One I don’t want to lose. We desperately need to talk but the wedding is going to take precedence.

When the door opens again with the booming sound of Archer calling out, “Is that Ruthie?” chaos ensues in my home. My brother hadn’t known Ruth like the rest of us, but he was present when I first started dating Ben. Archer was around through the birth of my children, encountering Ruth at momentous occasions like christenings and birthdays, and then suddenly, he was just gone. It’s no surprise, then, when Ruth bursts into tears at seeing the prodigal son returned.

“Oh, my goodness. The men are getting handsomer and handsomer.” Ruth hugs Archer like a long-lost son. Maybe his presence triggers her loss. Archer had been gone for more than a decade but now he’s back. Her son will never walk in the door again.

If Ruth feels this way, though, her smile and happy tears don’t give her away. She’s just as eager to meet Rosie and Talia and see Jenna again. Her enthusiasm only adds to the joyous occasion we’ll celebrate in a few days.

Still, I continue to seek Mason in the group, willing him to look at me. Begging him to give me that look.

The one Jenna once described as a look that meant I was his everything.

Because he’s everything to me.

I love him.

“There she is.” Logan’s loud voice breaks into my revelry next. Autumn and crew follow as Logan calls out while hugging Ruth, “Mama K, I missed you.”

Everyone was close to Ben’s mother.

Glancing over at Mason once more, my heart patters. I’ve missed him. And it wasn’t just the sex. I missed the friendly banter and steady companionship. I miss the subtle touches, like a constant reminder he was here for me. I miss the way he’d just stare at me, like he couldn’t believe I was real. Then he’d kiss me, and I’d forget myself. I’d forget everything but him and me.

Why wasn’t he sleeping in my bed, holding me all night? I’ve been so lonely without his presence every day, but the nights have been the hardest. That’s when my mind wanders and I just want to curl into his chest, breathe in his sharp scent and hear his heartbeat.

To know he’s here, alive, and mine.

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