Page 94 of Letting Go at 40

When did I get so fatherly in my thoughts?

Bryce nods, dipping his head again, and Anna steps forward, bringing him in for a hug. Her son towers her in height and breadth, engulfing her like the giant bear he’s going to be. Still, he holds on, letting me see how he’s a giant teddy bear at heart.

When he’s done hugging Anna, he surprises me by stepping over to me, bringing me into a hug as well.

“I’m sorry, man,” he whispers to me.

“Hurts like hell, doesn’t it,” I murmur before pulling back.

“Loving someone you can’t have?” The question stops me short, and I suck in air at the punch I feel to my gut.

“I meant a hangover, but yeah, maybe that, too.” I glance over his shoulder to see Anna behind her son.

Because while he might approve of me dating his mom, it doesn’t mean she’s going to love me.

She wanted sex last night.

And one reason I said no is because I want to be more than a warm, willing body to her.

Chapter 34

7 Months Ago

February

Lover’s Day

[Anna]

Despite how the New Year started, with Mason rejecting my suggestion to have sex, he’s been attentive and affectionate. We spend every night making dinner together, him often insisting on purchasing groceries because I cook. However, he is there beside me, chopping or shredding, or just engaging in conversation about my day. Telling me about his. Lynlee is always present.

Sometimes I see her watching me and offer a small smile. I’m often rewarded with a timid smile in return. She talks more but not much. Mason put her in therapy. His instinct wasn’t off although he responded a little late to his suspicions. Lynlee has finally opened up that her mother did purposefully mark her. My heart breaks for the child. A lot has happened for this little girl. The loss of her mother. Gaining her father. A new school. A temporary home.

Mason is still actively looking for a new house although there’s no rush.

The more he melts back into our routine, the less I want him to leave.

Sometimes, I catch myself, wondering if it’s the companionship I seek. The partnership I crave.

Then Mason kisses me and I know it’s so much more.

We don’t kiss in front of the kids, although he’ll often press a kiss to my neck, just below my ear before leaving the house each night to take Lynlee to the apartment.

In the morning, he greets me in a similar manner when he joins me for coffee, and we get breakfast served and lunches made. Mason takes Lynlee to kindergarten and Mila to the middle school while Bryce comes with me to the high school each day. Lynlee spends afternoons at either River’s or Autumn’s, and both eagerly agree she’s a little helper with baby stuff even at six years old.

We’ve embraced this sweet child into all our homes and hearts, hoping one day she’ll feel that love and accept us as family.

I don’t want to replace her mom. Even if Samantha wasn’t the best person, she was still Lynlee’s mother, but I want this little girl to realize that not all moms act the way hers did. Most of all, that this mom—me—wasn’t going anywhere.

I would always be here for her.

+ + +

On Valentine’s Day, I’m a little surprised when Mason doesn’t ask me out. Not that I needed to go out and celebrate the fabricated holiday, but it’s still a special occasion for lovers.

Or were we only kissers?

We rubbed against one another and clung to each other when we had rare occasions to sneak into a dark hallway or down to the den, but we didn’t do more.