Page 111 of Sterling Heat

Chapter 32

[Enya]

It is after midnight when the soft snap of a car door closing pulls me from bed. I hadn’t been sleeping although I was exhausted. A patrol vehicle is parked before the house on the route’s shoulder, making a bold statement of protection. The vehicle that made the noise, however, is the one I’d been waiting on.

Racing down the stairs, I open the front door just as Sebastian drops my keys in the mailbox.

We stare at one another through the screen before I press the door outward holding it open for him. The choice to enter, or not, is his, but I have things I want to say to him.

Sebastian glances over his shoulder at the county sheriff’s car before turning back to me and taking a step inside.

“How is Adara?” he asks, running his hands along the sides of his jeans.

“She’s sleeping.” She already misses you. And she’ll be heartbroken when her three a.m. bottle time arrives and he isn’t here.

“Why aren’t you?” He glances at me but quickly looks away.

I could ask him the same thing. Instead, I walk to the kitchen and get myself a glass of water. Sebastian surprisingly follows but he keeps the island between us. I don’t bother with turning on lights. A natural glow filters in through the window over the sink. A nightlight plugged in near the staircase offers dull illumination.

“How are you doing?” I ask.

“How are you?” he counters.

A lot has happened in forty-eight hours. It’s more than I can compute, and I don’t want to think anymore. I set the glass in the sink and round the island, stopping directly in front of Sebastian.

“I owe you the truth,” I start. “You wanted to know who the father of Adara is.”

“Enya.” Sebastian turns his head and rubs a hand over his hair. Then he looks back at me. “You don’t owe me anything.”

He’s right. I don’t. I don’t know his truth. If he killed my brother or not. The facts are simple, though. My brother is dead, and nothing can bring him back. It’s been ten years, but I lost Seamus long before that time, and he isn’t who I want to talk about right now.

“I’d told you Lance never proposed to me in all that time we were together. He never wanted a wife or children. He didn’t want a family.” I stare at Sebastian who lowers his eyes. The similarity in both men ends there. “But I wanted motherhood, and decided I would get it in any way I could.”

Sebastian slowly lifts his gaze.

“Adara’s father is sperm donor number 0437.”

His brows rise.

“I only know that he was an educated man. He’d gone to college and graduate school. He had brown hair and blue eyes and was over six feet, which tells me Adara might have those same features. Or not. She might be tall, or not. He has no known history of cancer, heart disease, or stroke, but that doesn’t rule out that one day she might. Because she’s made of two sets of chromosomes but she’s still her own person.”

Sebastian continues staring at me.

“My parents didn’t agree with my decision. They thought I should find a man. A partner. A husband. And admitting I’d slept with Lance last summer, my mother thought I should claim him as Adara’s father and ask for child support.”

“Fuck,” Sebastian groans under his breath.

“But I’m not like them. I didn’t need their permission or support. They’d made it clear how they felt, calling Adara my test-tube baby, instead of the wonderful, beautiful miracle she is.”

“Damn right,” Sebastian mutters.

“I’m giving you my secret, because I trust you.” I pause. “According to my parents, this is also my shame. But I’m not ashamed. Love isn’t shameful. Love is beautiful and kind. Love is just . . . love. Unconditional. Your past. Your present. Your future.”

I’ve accepted his past. I’ll never know if Sebastian was a catalyst in my brother’s death, or if drugs won out in the end. And it doesn’t matter to me. Seamus is gone. Sebastian is alive, but he hasn’t been living.

What I want is a future with Sebastian, but he isn’t looking forward. He can hardly get through this moment. Here. Now. And like anyone with an addictive trait, only Sebastian can make the decision to stop the cycle. He has a choice whether to love or not.

“I didn’t set out to meet a new man. I didn’t plan on tripping in front of your bakery on the day I found out I was pregnant or falling for you after you delivered Adara.”