Page 38 of Sterling Heat

Brusquely, he presses off the armrest and falls back to his haunches, digging his knees into the cushion before my crisscrossed legs. He swipes a hand down his face, like pulling down a shade, and then scrambles back to his corner of the couch.

I gingerly push myself upright, tucking my legs back to my middle and leaning into the armrest at my side.

What just happened here?

My heart hammers. My mouth goes dry.

Sebastian might be attracted to me, but he isn’t interested in what I represent. Single mom. Commitment. And I’m sadly disappointed when I shouldn’t be.

He grips the remote like it’s the last rung of a fire escape ladder dangling a few feet above solid ground. He aims it at the television, and aggressively taps the device with his thumb like it’s a magic wand that can make the past few minutes disappear.

I almost wish he would go out so I can retreat to my room and let the tears of rejection fall.

“That phone call was my sister.” He stares at the television as he explains. “She was giving me a hard time for missing our weekly family dinner.”

“You have weekly family dinners?” I turn only my head while my voice squeaks because my throat is still thick.

“Every Sunday.”

He’s missed the last two because of me.

“You’re lucky to have family. You shouldn’t miss meals with them.” My family doesn’t do anything collectively. Since Seamus’s death, and Cadence and my distance from our parents, a weekly dinner isn’t a thought.

“They’re only going to harass me about you.”

I subtly shift on the couch again. “Sebastian, I don’t want to—”

“You aren’t, okay?” His voice is harsh as he cuts me off. “You aren’t a nuisance, or in the way, or cramping my style. They’re just being fucking nosy, and we are none of their business.”

“Nothing’s going on here,” I state.

“I know that.” He snaps even harsher and then turns away from me, putting up an invisible wall between us.

He clicks the remote again, and a movie roars to life. For the next two hours, we blindly watch motion on the screen, but I have no idea what the show is about.

+ + +

As soon as the movie is over, I hop off the couch, eager for my room and some space from Sebastian. Certain he’d kiss me one minute, he was as cold as frozen cookie dough the next. I quickly use the bathroom and shut myself inside my space.

When I finish a pumping session, I need to put what I’ve collected in the refrigerator, but I don’t want to encounter Sebastian again tonight. For now, I set the small bottles in a travel cooler in my room. Movement happens outside my door and then a presence comes to rest. From the shadow interrupting a sliver of light beneath the door, I know Sebastian is outside my room.

I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t want to push him into any situation that makes him uncomfortable, like explaining me to his family. He’s already been overly kind, and I don’t know what I’ve done to earn his generosity. And I’m a coward for hiding out in my room, hoping tonight he’ll just walk away.

“Enya.” My name is a soft plea.

I close my eyes and will my feet to remain still. We don’t need to talk. Maybe it’s better that we don’t. My emotions are raw and rambling. I shouldn’t be upset that we didn’t kiss. He doesn’t owe me kisses even if I’d like to give them to him. Kissing would only complicate our lives and I want him as my friend.

A soft thunk rattles the door. His quiet voice travels through the solid surface. “There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be than sitting on my couch watching a movie with you.”

He speaks as if he is thinking out loud, speaking softly to himself, because I’m not listening, which I totally am.

“My family can be a lot and Vale wants me to bring you to the next dinner, but it’s too much. They’re going to scare you away. I’m going to scare you away. And I just want you to myself a little longer.”

My brows lift. Eyes widen. I creep closer to the door, eager to hear what else he has to say when he thinks I’m not listening.

“You aren’t a nuisance.” A choked, bitter guffaw happens. “You’ve become a necessity.”

How am I a necessity?