Page 46 of Sterling Fight

I stop dead in my tracks at this point in my walk. Then I make a turn, knowing in the back of my head, I might get lost.

Strangely, being lost feels appropriate because I do not know how to navigate what I’m feeling inside me and what is actually happening between Judd and me, because something is happening.

Something unfamiliar and frightening and thrilling and his body alone is just everything.

I’m flipping from emotion to emotion in a flash. Maybe I am a slut. Is this lust?

I consider what Judd told me last night. The pain in his eyes as he shared what happened to him when he was only eighteen. My heart aches for him, but he’d never want my pity.

And here I’d been worried he’d think I was pitiful. Nearly forty, needing a date to appease my mother for ten days.

And there’s Judd offering to do it for me.

Will you date me for ten days? Check yes or no.

Will you be my new friend? Check yes or no.

The two notes merge together in my head and then I visualize the writing in another manner. In another place.

My memory rattles around until I have the answer.

Judd’s skin.

When Judd held up his hand to high-five me, I’d noticed lettering on the underside of his arm. In bold script lettering was inked: Check yes or no, with a box beside each word and a giant checkmark in the yes-box. More lettering was underneath, but I couldn’t make out the rest of it that quickly.

Judd had my question inked on his skin. And his answer, at least one time.

I didn’t understand any of it. I’d played a dangerous game asking him what he’d wish for because as his body came closer to mine and he leaned in, it was apparent what he wanted.

I wanted it, too. Yet, it felt wrong. Not that Judd feels wrong. He feels right, so very right. And that’s why I’m freaking out.

He’s Judd. He shouldn’t feel this good. It’s too much too soon.

What did I want? What is my wish? I’ll be forty soon. Shouldn’t I be entering my no-fucks era? Shouldn’t I feel a change coming? Accept singlehood. Sell my company.

These were big. Huge. Yet, why did they feel so small, like I was giving up instead of embracing life?

And, if I was entering my no-fucks era, I should have let Judd kiss me.

“Gah!” I yell at the trees along the empty road, coming to a full stop. My legs ache and my brain is fried, and that’s when I realize . . .

I’m actually lost.

My phone shows I’ve been gone a few hours, and I try using the map app to redirect me, but I don’t have Judd’s address nor do I have good reception. I can’t even figure out where I am.

Suddenly, everything hits me at once. The physical activity. The mental exhaustion. Tears burn the back of my eyes.

I’m left with no choice. I press the contact for Judd which mysteriously wound up on my phone.

“Genie?” My name is said with a deep exhale, like he’d been exerting himself before answering.

“Hey.” I swallow and squint up at the bright noon sky. “I’m lost.”

“Where are you?”

“I don’t exactly know. I went for a walk, but I got turned around.”

Judd takes another sharp inhale before saying, “Drop a pin in your location. I’ll find you.”