Page 63 of Sterling Fight

Judd is both those things, and I don’t think I’ll recover from the storm.

Once again, the kisses subside, and Judd and I stare at one another. Like we don’t want the night to end. We don’t want to sleep despite the rain acting as a lullaby against the roof.

“Tell me a secret, Judd Sylver. Something no one else might know,” I ask, like I want to hold onto a little piece of him. Something just for me.

Judd stares back at me, thinking before speaking. “I did want to be a poet.”

My eyes widen, both shocked while pleased that vibe coming off him wasn’t just an act.

“When my mom died, I wrote poems to help with my emotions. The agony of losing my mother. The distress of dealing with my father.” Judd pauses.

He is a tortured soul, one deeply repressing his feelings while needing a creative outlet to release them.

“I thought writing would somehow relieve this ache inside me,” he continues. “Eventually, my father found one of my poems. Something rudimentary about missing my mother. He ridiculed my words, then slapped me for crying over the loss of her. I was eleven.”

“Judd,” I whisper, feeling tormented for him.

He shrugs as if it was nothing, so used to the abuse he endured, so locked in the existence of it as a part of him.

“Now you. Tell me a secret.” He leans forward and kisses my knuckles, right over the ring.

Something inside me tells me to share my darkest secret with Judd. To tell him the guilt I carry with me day in and day out. The reason I take my mother’s condescending words and question my worth.

But this moment feels too fragile for such a secret, so I offer Judd something else.

“I noticed your tattoo earlier,” I whisper.

“Which one?” Judd scoffs, knowing he has so many.

“The one on your forearm that says check yes in bold script.”

“How is this a secret of yours?” Judd tease, his tone quiet but easygoing.

“My secret is that I want to check yes to you, Judd.” In every way, I want to be that YES for him, but I still don’t think marriage or kids is in the cards for me.

And it’s too bad because some lucky woman is going to check all the yeses for him someday. She’ll be his wife and she’ll be the mother of his children, and I hate her already when I have no right to dislike her.

Judd Sylver deserves all his wishes to be granted and his dreams to be fulfilled.

And I wish it could be me to give him those things.

“You already do check all my yeses,” he whispers and something in me cracks open. The sliver in a shell that spreads down the delicate shield, allowing in oxygen, providing a glimmer of light.

Could I really be all those things to Judd? Could he want me as I am? Fragile and a bit tarnished. Perhaps I’m the one afraid to check yes to unasked questions, despite thinking I’m a free-spirit and open-minded.

Would I really be a caged bird in marriage?

When Judd scoops my hair around my ear, eyes on me as if he knows my mind is racing, I settle under his patient gaze.

His hand lowers for my left one once more and then he squeezes. “Come closer.”

The command could mean so many things, but for now, I scoot closer to his body, calmed once more by the heat of his skin and strength of his presence. Judd slips his arm around me, tugging me even closer and tucking me underneath his chin, my forehead against his chest, and I breathe him in.

Weathering the storm together.

23

[Genie]