Page 88 of Sterling Stone

After Simon is in bed, acting all responsible for himself by taking a shower and brushing his teeth, I lie on the lumpy couch again, staring at the living room ceiling. Missing Stone.

The way he’s held me. The way he’s been present for me from the second I returned to Sterling Falls. The way we came together each night.

We haven’t had sex. We’ve had more. More kisses. More touches. More exploration.

He’s so different. Awkwardly sweet and enthusiastically eager.

I can honestly say I adore him. Like truly adore him.

And Stone being here for me has shown me what he once asked of me:

Let me show you who I am.

He’s an amazing man. He loves his family. He works hard. He’s available for every single person who needs him. And I’m coming to realize how much I might need him.

Which is a dangerous thought that I drift off to sleep to.

However, hours later, a soft shout causes me to leap off the couch like that guy in ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. Only I wasn’t expecting Santa Claus. The whimpering noise comes from down the hallway, and I race toward the bedrooms.

Simon’s door is partially open, and he is sitting upright, breathing heavily. Slowly, I open the door, reminded of when Jolene was younger and had nightmares. Ones that would scare the bejesus out of me, but she didn’t recall happening by morning.

“Hey, baby,” I whisper, worried Simon might still be sleeping and not aware he’s sitting up in bed. Cautiously, I approach the side of the bed. Simon looks up at me.

“You okay?” I ask.

He falls back on the mattress, blinking a few times before tears roll down his cheeks.

“Aw, sweetie.” I take a seat on the edge of his bed and brush back his floppy bangs. “Was it a bad dream?”

He only nods, swiping hastily at his cheeks, but the tears keep rolling.

“Want to tell me about it?” I keep my voice low, continuing to stroke back his hair. His bright blue eyes remain glassy, and he blinks a few times. When he’s near Judd, sometimes people mistake Simon for Judd’s son. I never miss the slight smile that brings to Judd’s lips.

“Grandma Trudy.” He gasps. “She died.” Another soft sob breaks from him, and I lean closer, curling my hand along the side of his face and cupping his chin.

“She’s not going to die, baby.” Not anytime soon with the stubborn attitude she’s been displaying during her final days in the hospital. She’s always been a feisty, respectfully outspoken woman, but she’s a little more ornery than I remember. I’m giving grace because . . . heart attack.

“I didn’t have anyone to take care of me.” His tears flow faster. His lower lip trembles.

I remember that fear. Trudy had been a lifeline for me, but I remember that niggling feeling of what’s next. What would happen to me and my sisters if Trudy were gone? What if she decided I wasn’t worth the bother because of what my mother did to her brother, and she turned me out? I had worries for nothing because Trudy Wallace would never do such a thing. She’d never give away a foster child without just cause, which meant she kept everyone who came to her until they were ready to go on their own.

He’s had a troubling life for someone so young, just like I’d had, so I understand his worries.

And I don’t want him to be concerned.

“Oh, baby, no. You have Judd and Genie. And me.” The ferocity of my plea hits me right in the sternum. I cannot prove to Simon I’m here for him if I’m not here for him. A child needs someone in their space. Someone reassuring him he’s important and he’s loved.

Simon cannot feel my love if I don’t show him I have it for him. If he doesn’t see I’m not a flight risk. I might work all over the country, but I don’t forget him. I care about him.

But if I’m not steady in his life, he can’t know that. Not yet. He’s had too much upheaval as it is.

Just like I had when I was near the same age. It took me years of living with Trudy before I became comfortable, and I still never felt like I fully belonged. As if I didn’t deserve to be with her.

“But you’re going to leave, too.” Simon hammers in my own fears, confirming my thoughts. He doesn’t trust me to be here.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Not anytime soon.

But how long can I really stay? I had commissions I had to put on hold. Work I couldn’t give up, because I’m still young and I need the money. I live a simple lifestyle, but I still have expenses.