Page 89 of Gin and Bear It

“Oh my god, the smile. He smiled about everything all the time.”

“Like a serial killer.”

“Okay, maybe not that far.” I snort. “But yeah, he’s friendly so I always feel a bit crazy about being bothered by his tone.”

“He’s a tool, Jada,” he says with a laugh. “You’re not crazy. He was condescending as fuck.”

“I feel so fucking vindicated right now. You have no idea.” I laugh, too, almost hysterically. “He made me feel so crazy. Everyone thought he was this great guy but he made me feel like a fucking idiot all the time with his ‘advice.’ He’s smart and all, but he knows it and thinks everyone else isn’t as smart as he is. Especially me with my ADHD.”

As usual, I don’t mean to be that honest, but it’s too late. Ash doesn’t flinch or put on the whole over the top, nooo, you’re not stupid! act. But I can sense that he doesn’t think I’m dumb at all. It’s nice—the topic doesn’t shift onto me in a way that makes me feel too scrutinized.

“Because, like I said—he seems like a passive-aggressive asshole. Or just an asshole in general.” He glances in the rearview mirror for a moment. “He your usual type?”

Okay, never mind about the scrutiny. I shift in my seat. We’ve talked about Troy and how he got me into this mess, but not much about the rest of my dating history.

“Kinda?” I shrug. “I mean, I’ve mostly dated kind of nerdy dudes. So nerdy guys who know they’re smart come with the territory.”

“But there’s a big difference between a nerd who knows he’s smart and a nerd who knows he’s smart and wields it like a big hammer.” He changes lanes. “Like, Waylon’s a big-ass nerd and knows he’s smart, but he’s not going to try to make you feel like you’re a moron in comparison.”

“That’s why he’s my best friend.”

“You two never…” He glances in the rearview mirror yet again and I glance in the side mirror. There’s a car behind us, but it’s not like the road is deserted at this time of evening.

“Ew, no,” I say. “Gross.”

“Just curious.” He shrugs and pauses. “I’m glad you aren’t with a guy like Troy anymore.”

“Why, because that means I was available to marry you?”

“No, because you don’t deserve bullshit like that.” He says it in a straightforward tone that’s sincere without being saccharine.

And he’s right. I don’t deserve a relationship where I’m second-guessing every conversation. I deserve a man who’ll have my back and not make me feel insane for being myself.

Like Ash.

TWENTY-EIGHT

ASH

Mom: Please don’t forget about your father’s birthday dinner tonight! He wants all his boys there!

I groan and let my head fall back so I can look at the kitchen ceiling. My mom blasts me and my brothers with texts all the time, mostly about things that pop into her head—like if we’re eating enough fiber or if we’ve seen a news report on some wild boar on the loose in a town a hundred miles away. Usually I can ignore it, but I can’t ignore this.

If I don’t show up, my dad will bitch about it whenever I do decide to come to a family gathering. But if I do show up, he’ll be pissed that I’m there.

There’s no winning. There’s just losing less, so I have to go.

“What’s up?” Jada asks when she enters the kitchen. She’s dressed for work in a pencil skirt that hugs her curvy hips and a bright, printed blouse.

“My dad’s birthday dinner is tonight and I forgot to put it on the calendar. Or I just blocked it out of my head,” I say.

“Shoot.” Jada frowns, pouring herself a cup of coffee from the pot I made. “I have work late today.”

“It’s fine—I’ll survive.” I stand up and stretch. “Dad isn’t big on his birthday so it’s usually just a casual dinner and not the big blowout parties that Mom likes to throw.”

“Wow, Delia showing restraint when it comes to a party?” Jada raises her eyebrows.

“Only my dad could bitch about her genuine, loving effort so much that she dials back.” I roll my eyes.