Page 77 of Never Forget

“Me either. It got through to me, though. I did the whole anger management thing, started lifting and boxing. It was all shitty circumstances, but I think… I think it helped me become a better man.”

“So what happened with your sister?”

“My aunt wasn’t a bad person, but it was a tough situation. She wasn’t happy about getting saddled with her brother’s kid, but Ally was a sweet girl. She was quiet and shy. Out of protectiveness, or possibly blame for the whole situation, she wouldn’t let my sister call much or visit. By the time I got out, she made it clear I wasn’t welcome in her home, so I transitioned to a group home. I tried to visit, but…”

“Would she not let you see your sister?” Naz sounds almost outraged at the idea.

Old pain prickles behind my eyes, making them sting. I blink it away and shake my head.

“I went over there the first chance I got. But my sister… she was afraid of me.”

The sting in my eyes makes its way down my sinus cavity behind my nose and in my throat. It makes my voice tight and gravelly. Naz wraps his arm around my waist and wiggles closer.

“To be fair, I kind of scared the shit out of her.” I chuckle humorlessly. “She was pulling the garbage bin to the curb outside. I called out, but she was wearing headphones or something, didn’t see me until I was close enough to touch her arm. She screamed and jumped back against the garbage bin. It fell over, and so did she. And that’s how my aunt found me my first day back, standing over my sister, nearly twice the size I was the last time either of them had seen me.”

I huff, remembering the fear and anger in my aunt’s eyes, how much it made her look like my father. The only saving grace was that she was trying to protect Ally.

“I tried to explain, but my aunt just stood in front of me, screaming in my face, telling Ally to go inside and call the cops. All the neighbors came out. It didn’t matter how much I apologized or tried to explain myself, she just kept getting louder. Luckily, I didn’t get in any sort of trouble, but getting back to the group home late via police chauffeur didn’t exactly make me look good.”

“Did you try again?”

“Not for a while. Eventually, I got help from my social worker to set up a visitation of sorts, and I got her a gift. It wasn’t anything fancy, I didn’t have any money to speak of. It was just a glittery blue journal with a matching pen.”

“That’s cute.”

“Eh. I thought maybe we’d try to bond over shared trauma or something, I don’t know. They’re big on journaling in therapy, so I thought maybe she could use it to work out her fears or whatever.”

“I take it that meeting didn’t go well?”

“It was better, for sure, but Ally was so young. The last thing she remembered of me was what I did to our dad. Add all the issues that I had in juvie, and my aunt had rightfully painted me as a violent person who couldn’t be trusted.”

“That’s not fair. You were a kid too.”

“Life’s not fair.”

“So what did you do then?”

“Nothing, really. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. I left a note for her on the first page of the journal, telling her I was sorry about everything she’d been through, that all I ever wanted was to protect her. I left her my phone number, and told her that if she ever needed me, under any circumstances, I would be there for her.”

It was the last time we ever spoke or saw each other in person.

“That’s why you didn’t want to give Cory your phone?”

“Yeah. He knows about my juvie record from our interview, but him finding out about Ally was kind of an accident.”

Naz tilts his head to look at me curiously.

“I get a lot of spam calls. Like, a lot. And I answer every single call, even if I’m positive that I’m just going to hang up and block the number as soon as the person or robot voice starts talking. On top of that, I get a ton of text messages about debt consolidation or loans.” I sigh. “Cory’s an observant guy, so he asked me about it. Asked if I was in any trouble or I needed help.”

“He’s a pretty nice guy.”

“Yeah, except that I was mortified,” I laugh. “Even after opening my bank app, I couldn’t convince him I wasn’t in some kind of terrible debt. It was like he thought I was being threatened by the mob or something. So I ended up telling him about my sister.”

I pause, leaning into Naz’s touch. “I know it’s probably dumb. It’s been almost fifteen years, and she’s never called even once. It’s just become a habit to answer the phone now.”

Naz cups my jaw and holds my face so he can look straight at me. “There’s nothing dumb about holding out hope for something you care about.”

“I care about you,” I say honestly, my heart taking up too much room in my chest. “If it had come down to my phone or keeping my job protecting you, I would have chosen you.”