Page 142 of Rising Heat

“You loved each other.”

“Yes.”

“And from where we’re sitting…” She pauses, choosing her words. “It looked like a good life.”

A good life. Not a happy one.

“I know what it looked like.”

Mom’s expression softens.

“I think that’s the part we’re struggling with.”

I wanted to tell them that the part that I struggled with was feeling like my opinion carried less weight than his, like my needs were always the flexible ones. Like I was expected to rearrange my life around his, but the idea of him rearranging his around mine was somehow unreasonable.

That I’d started disappearing inside a perfectly nice life. But trying to explain that to people who still thought in terms of good and bad suddenly felt impossible.

“It just didn’t feel right,” I say instead.

“I just think—” Mom sighs. “By now, I expected you would have had time to think about what you actually want.”

“I did think about it. That’s why I’m here,” I say, a little more defensively than I’d intended.

Mom sighs.

“We know.”

“Do you? Because it doesn’t feel like you do.”

“We’re trying,” she tries gently. “It’s just…you left a very stable situation.”

“I’m not getting back together with Brett.”

“Darcy, nobody said⁠—”

“You kind of are.”

I feel the heat burning my cheeks.

“We’re worried this is a reaction, Darcy. Not a plan. Relationships aren’t always happy all of the time.”

A reaction.

As if I moved to Boston on impulse because I couldn’t manage my feelings. Or like the last six months hadn’t been the most deliberate and clear-eyed and genuinely myself I’ve felt in years.

My dad shifts on the sofa arm.

“We just miss you,” he says. “That’s really all this is.”

I know he means it. That’s what makes it so hard. His gentleness next to her concern is the exact combination that’s been making me feel like I need permission to want things for myself since I was eight years old.

“I miss you too,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

“But I’m good.”

I huff out a laugh that doesn’t sound much like one.

“I’m really good. I need you to trust that.”