Page 63 of Dark Auctioned Mate

“They just... abandoned you?” Rael frowned. “Their own daughter?”

“They were frightened. The pack had made it very clear that to protect me was to risk their own position, and in Caldwell, position was everything. Lose it, and you were defenseless.” Alanis’s voice sounded matter-of-fact, like she had long ago accepted this fact. “They chose survival. I can’t entirely blame them for that.”

“Yes, you can,” Rael said firmly. “Parents are supposed to protect their children.”

“Well, they died about the time I was sixteen.” She shrugged. “So much for protecting, huh?”

Rael looked at her sideways and used his free hand to squeeze hers.

The car fell into a comfortable silence until Alanis broke it with a question. “Have you ever wondered what type of parent you would like to be? If you have children, I mean.”

“You’re asking a lot of questions today,” he chuckled lightly. He had never given much thought to children. So much of his life had been absorbed by the mission that the thought of planning a future on a personal scale was almost frivolous.

But now, with Alanis next to him, the idea did not sound so abstract

“I would not be like my father. I would make my children understand that they are treasured for who they are and not what they can do for the pack. That they should feel secure enough to be who they are, even if that doesn’t necessarily fit into what the pack expects them to be. What about you?”

“I never thought I would have children. That I would never dare to bring into the world a child who could be shiftless like myself and go through what I went through.”

“You thought?” Rael prompted carefully.

“Now I wonder... maybe it could be different. Maybe I could give my child the kind of support that I never had. Maybe I could make a law where being shiftless was no longer considered a flaw.” She glanced at him. “Your pack is trying to do that, right? With Elle?”

“It’s hard. But we are trying.”

“That is more than most packs do. Including the one I came from.”

***

They stopped their journey to stay the night in a little motel just out of Great Falls. Rael booked two separate rooms, despite his wolf howling. Alanis had a lot of things to process ahead of her. She did not need any distractions or pressure.

They had dinner in a diner on the other side of the street. It was simple, burgers and fries, but it was good. Or maybe it was the light-hearted stuff they talked about that made it good. They talked about the books they liked, movies that made them cry, and embarrassing childhood stories that left them laughing.

“You ran to the roof to get a frisbee and got stuck?” Alanis giggled, her eyes bright. “How old were you?”

“Eight. And in my defense, it sounded like a good idea at the time.” Rael’s lips curved into a smile. “Silas had to shift and get up to help me down. He was so mad and said I was too big to be rescued from a roof.”

“But he rescued you anyway.”

“Yes. Even though he was peeved about it. That’s what family does. They show up, even when it’s inconvenient.”

“The Lumin did that for me, you know? When I was scared and had nowhere to go, they showed up for me.”

“That’s why you’re finding it difficult to come to a decision.” Rael nodded in understanding. “Because they are not just an organization to you, they are your family.”

“Yeah.” She pushed a fry around her plate. “And to leave them would be like I was putting my own needs before those of people who rescued me.”

“Or I suppose it might mean you are maturing. Developing out of the image they gave you into someone who has a choice of her own.”

“Do you think I should?”

“I think you should do anything that will please you, and I think you should stop beating yourself down simply because you want things. Your wants don’t make you disloyal or selfish. They make you human.”

Alanis sighed heavily. “How do you always know what to say?”

He chuckled lightly. “Trust me, I don’t. I tend to say something wrong and apologize afterward.” He stretched his hand over the table and grabbed hers, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. “But with you, it’s easier. You make everything easier, Alanis.”

She turned her hand over, threading her fingers through his. “I’m scared,” she admitted. “Of choosing wrong. Of hurting the people I care about. Of wanting something I’m not supposed to have.”