Page 50 of The Way Love Heals

Two days was enough. I wouldn’t and couldn’t go another day without my love. He needed me, and I needed him. I’d find my way to him. I could guarantee it.

I hadn’t showered.

I hadn’t eaten.

I had hardly moved from the spot on the bed.

My thoughts had weighed me down like a cement block. I’d broken a promise to myself I’d made years ago, and I was upset with myself for doing so. When I first started therapy, Dr. Morgan encouraged me to make one promise to myself, one that I felt confident in keeping. I promised myself to not allow Renee to ever have control of my life again.

I failed.

She’d consumed every part of me for the last two days.

It seemed like every second of the day, every bad moment I’d experienced with her replayed in my mind. From the time I was seven to eleven to the other day. The way it ate at me almost made me feel insane. I couldn’t fathom living like that another day, so I prayed. For hours, I begged God to heal me again. I prayed to be stronger in all aspects. The weakness I felt was sickening.

I prayed it didn’t affect the boys. Knowing they had to witness that shattered me. Not because they knew about my past, but because of the way shit went down. It interrupted one of the biggest games of the season, and I took full blame for it. If I would’ve had the strength to stay and push through to continue, then maybe everything would’ve been good.

Then again, it probably traumatized them.

Not knowing was eating at me, but I didn’t have it in me to move. Not just yet.

One more day.

One more day was all I needed to wallow in my emotions, then I had to get up and get my life back in order. God had blessed me with too much to not steward it well. While I was down, I had so much to be grateful for. I had so many people to be grateful for, especially Brittish.

I missed her.

I needed her.

I’d make my way back to her.

One more day.

Throwing the covers over my head, I sank deeper into the bed and closed my eyes. Sleep would find me soon, and I’d be able to have a brief mental escape.

One more day.

Three days.

Day three of Nyle being MIA, and I was on a mission to find him. With AJ going back with Asher for the weekend, I was headed to Lela Mae’s house. I needed answers on where I could possibly find Nyle. His family was my only option. If they didn’t have an inkling, then I wasn’t sure what I could do other than wait.

But I wasn’t sure how long I could wait.

Nyle’s situation was deep, so I didn’t want to be selfish. I didn’t want to consider my feelings over his, but I couldn’t completely push mine to the side. With his disappearance, our relationship was suffering. Each time I thought about how it would negatively affect us, I thought back to my parents. The insight they gave me was what kept me going. It was what kept me in a positive headspace.

My phone ringing through my car speakers broke me from my thoughts. I smiled upon seeing Pilar’s name. My girl had been checking on me nonstop, and I appreciated her more than she knew. I tapped the green button on my screen and heard the music in the background.

“Good morning, Pilar,” I answered.

“Good morning, girl. What are you up to?”

“Headed to Nyle’s grandmother’s house to see if they know anything. You headed to work?”

“I was actually headed to you. I took a personal day to be with you.”

My eyes stung. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I did. You need me, and I’m going to be there for you. Do you think Nyle’s grandmother will mind if I tag along with you?”