Page 62 of Holding Ground

“How old were you?”

“About six years old.”

We’re both quiet, and I decide not to let this moment pass without asking what I want to know. “Elliott…what happened to your dad? Did…did he pass away too?”

“No.” He looks at the rock face for a minute with a pensive expression.

I think he’s not going to answer me, and I’m about to apologize for asking when he talks.

“After my mom died, he just kind of lost it. Lost himself. Part of me understands it now. I didn’t then, but now…He went from being happily married and having a good family life to being alone and raising four kids on his own—one of whom was an infant. There was no time for him to grieve the loss of my mother. He had kids to raise, to provide for. Kids who were grieving too and didn’t understand where their mother had gone. She left for the hospital to go have our brother, and only Hollis came home.”

His jaw tenses, and he pulls off his ball cap, smooths his hair back, and then slides it back on backward.

“Things didn’t really go downhill until a couple of years after my mom passed. He started drinking, dabbling in drugs. Even before we went to live with my uncle, Roy was already having to step in to help. Neither of my grandparents on either side were alive by then. It was a total mess.” His face bears the weight of his words.

Unable to stop myself, I get up and take the couple of steps it takes to reach him. Elliott widens his legs for me, and I sit, leaning back against his chest. He wraps his arms around me, and I immediately place my hands over his.

“That must have been very difficult.”

“I think that’s when I started to feel like it was my responsibility to make sure all my siblings were okay. I was the oldest, and I tried to shield them from what was going on with my dad as best I could. It felt like I was the one who needed to hold it all together.”

“That’s a lot of responsibility for a little boy to carry. What about Roy?”

“After we went to live with him, things got better in time, but it was ingrained in me by that time, this feeling that if I didn’t hold us all together, everything would crumble. It’s a difficult instinct to turn off, but I try my best, even though I fail.” He kisses my temple, as if to say that his hostility when I first got here came from fear.

Everything Elliott is telling me lines up with what I’ve witnessed since I arrived in town. Now I understand better why he’s that way.

“How did you end up with Roy?”

A long, slow breath floats out of him. “My dad got picked up for drinking and driving shortly after my mom passed away. They gave him a slap on the wrist that didn’t amount to much. Then one day, years later, he decided to get behind the wheel after a bender and killed someone. The judge gave him the maximum penalty, and he was sentenced to prison for thirty years. The case made big news because the guy he killed was the son of a big politician.”

“That’s awful.”

Elliott nods against the top of my head.

“Thank God for Roy.”

“Tell me about it. If it weren’t for him, we probably would’ve been separated and shipped off to different foster homes. Who knows what kind of situation we all would’ve ended up in.”

I shift so that my shoulder rests against his chest to see his face. “Do you still talk to your dad?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. Even though I can understand how lost he must’ve been after my mom passed away, he pretty much made the decision to abandon his family. Even if the accident had never happened, he was already checked out by that point because of the drugs and alcohol.” Elliott lets out a low chuckle that holds no humor. “I think it bothers me more now than it did when I was younger.”

“How come?”

“Now that I have Baylor, I can’t imagine checking out of her life like that.”

“That makes sense. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“What’s that saying? What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?”

“Well, I think you’re strong enough by now,” I say, and he gives me a squeeze with his arms. “Thank you for telling me all of that, Elliott. I know it must be hard to talk about.”

“Honestly, Emelia, I surprise myself when I’m around you. I haven’t opened up with anyone like this in years, maybe never. You’re very easy to talk to.”

I know he’s not saying it to make me feel special, but it has that effect nonetheless. But I understand what he means, because when I opened up to him that night on the dock, it felt so natural too.

He dips his chin and kisses me. I place my hand on his cheek and sink into the kiss. This kiss feels more about comfort than desire, and when it ends, I snuggle back into him to enjoy this feeling a little longer.