Page 243 of Show Me

The lock clicks before the door opens halfway. Ruby stands there with one hand wrapped around the handle like she hasn’t decided if she’s letting me in or shutting me out.

Her eyes meet mine. Steady. Guarded. Tired. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know.” I don’t move closer. “I need to say something.”

Her expression tightens. “Xavier–”

“I’m not here to argue. Or push. Or try to talk you out of being mad at me.” That stops her. “You were right to push me away. I never gave you anything solid to stand on. No labels. No certainty. Nothing that told the rest of the world you were mine in a way that mattered.”

Her fingers tighten around the door.

“I kept telling myself I was being honest that I didn’t do relationships. That I wasn’t making promises I couldn’t keep.” A humorless laugh escapes me. “What I was doing was keeping one foot out the door.”

Pain crosses her face. I put that there, and somehow, I’ve got to fix it.

“I gave you every reason to think you mattered less to me than you did.” I swallow. “Lindsey didn’t make you doubt me. I did. I spent so much time pretending this wasn’t real that when it mattered, you had no reason to believe otherwise.”

Ruby looks down at the porch boards.

“There’s something about Lindsey I never told you.”

Her eyes come back to mine.

“We met at Callahan’s a couple years ago. We hooked up that night.”

I wait for a reaction. I don’t get one.

“She called me the next week. We went out once. After that, I told her I wasn’t interested in anything more.”

“Xavier–”

“I need you to know what happened.”

“Why?”

The question catches me off guard. “Because of everything she did.”

“What Lindsey did has nothing to do with who you slept with before me.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” She folds her arms loosely over her chest. “Because you’re looking at me like you think you owe me an apology for having a past.”

“I don’t.”

“Good. Because I had one too.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to explain.” I drag a hand over the back of my neck. “She moved to Brookhaven sometime after that. Then I started running into her around town. Sometimes places I was pretty damn sure weren’t accidents.”

Ruby’s expression changes.

“She’d ask if I’d changed my mind. Try to get me to go home with her. I told her no.”

“More than once?”

“A lot more than once.”

“And nothing else ever happened between you?”