Page 39 of Worth of Waste

She waved at Junior who was looking to his father with hands outstretched, making constant grabbing motions. It was his non-verbal way of asking to be picked up. “He wants you to pick—”

“I don’t know how to do that, Karen.”

Her brow furrowed. “You just pick him up, and he’ll sit in your lap.”

Dino still seemed uneasy as he shook his head. “I’ve never held a baby before and—”

Before he could protest more, Karen leaned down, scooped up the waiting baby, and put him straight into his father’s lap. Dino’s arms instinctively circled around Junior, holding him tight and close.

“See, nothing to it,” Karen murmured.

Her words were bravado and little else. She could plainly see the concern and uncertainty reflecting in Dino’s gaze. She didn’t think in all the time they had spent together that she could bring forth one memory where he looked as terrified as he did right then, with his own son in his arms.

Not even the day he’d been beaten in a back alley.

Not the times she watched him in court on the television.

Not even when he approached her earlier.

It was a genuine fear—terror, even—coloring his eyes. Like he had no fucking clue what to do next, or how to handle what was already in his arms.

Karen thought it was probably far more than just holding Junior. It was likely the whole child and father thing, something she knew Dino didn’t have good experiences with. His own father was dead, and the man he had been stuck with after his father’s death had been an abusive prick, to say the least.

“It’s easy,” Karen said softly, reaching out to stroke her son’s cheek.

Dino cleared his throat, still as stiff as a board but smiling slightly. “What is?”

“Loving him. Caring for him. Wanting the best for him. Being the best you can be for him. It’s easy to do those things, Dino. Being his parent is the easiest thing I have ever done. He makes it easy, okay? Don’t be nervous.”

“I don’t know how.”

“It’s like breathing.”

Dino looked over at her, and a recognition lit up his usually cold gaze. “Sort of like how loving you is as easy as breathing.”

Karen could and would not deny how much she liked hearing that. But she had other things to deal with before she could really sit down and deal with her feelings about their situation and how she felt for Dino.

More important things were waiting.

Like their son.

“Like that,” Karen agreed quietly. “All he wants is to be loved, and he loves you in return. That’s pretty easy, don’t you think?”

Dino nodded once. “Sounds easy.”

“So why are you still sitting there like a block of ice?”

“I’m not sure I’ll be a good father,” Dino admitted.

Those words broke her heart. For him, and the lack of worth he must have felt for himself and his ability to love. She supposed being treated like trash—like waste, needing to be put out with the rest of the garbage—would leave anyone with a shitty sense of self-worth.

And her heart hurt for her son.

For his excitement at recognizing the man she called “Dad” every time she brought out the photo album on the bookcase. For his innocent love that he wanted to be returned. For the time he had already missed with a man he looked and acted like in every possibly way.

Karen tried not to show it.

For both of them.