Page 62 of The Arrangement

“I hear a but in there,” Viviana said, eyes lowering from his.

“Yeah, there’s always one, right? But, sometimes we don’t get the choice, Viviana. Sometimes it’s just in his blood, so he seeks it out and once he’s in, well, he’s in. I’d so much rather he knew what to expect than stumble into it by mistake.”

“I don’t want to think about any of that. It shouldn’t even be like that.”

Anton licked his lips, sighing. “I’m sorry if it hurts you to hear, but whether you like it or not, it is something I have to think about should we ever have a boy. That’s reality for me. It might be a rough one, but it’s one nonetheless. I won’t fault you for drawing comparisons, but don’t fault me for knowing what I have to do … and I will do it, Vine. I won’t lie about it.”

Lines sometimes had to be drawn, Anton knew. It might be the limit that pushed her to say no children, and he’d accept that, but he wasn’t about to lie to her. If Viviana was ready to take a hypothetical leap into the future, he was going to damn well make sure she understood just what it meant.

But the words she said next weren’t the ones he thought she’d say, either.

“Don’t tell me, okay? If we ever … It might not happen, but it doesn’t matter. Never tell me.”

Could he even? Would he be able to tell her the first time their son pulled the trigger; when he learned what it was like to enjoy the spoils of being the son of a boss; when he came home with the tattoos of a rose on his chest and stars on his shoulders? Or would he just let him always be her son?

No, Anton knew what he’d do. It’d be the same thing as his father did; his hand grasping tight to his son’s jaw, forcing him to stare into blank eyes when he said the words, “Don’t you ever tell your mother about this. Never.”

Once more, he rolled his thumbs over her cheeks to soothe and wipe away tears. It hurt him to see her struggling, especially if it was with something that should been an exciting, joyous topic, but nothing about their lifestyle was really simple in the end. Everything was double edged.

“That a rule to remember?” he asked.

“That’s a rule.”

Anton nodded, leaning down to catch her frown with his lips. “Understood.”

Chapter Fourteen

Cool air whispered along Viviana’s bare legs, pebbling her skin at its passing with goose bumps. The quiet sounds of the Brighton Beach boardwalk hummed around the pair, but neither seemed to notice the passersby. With Viviana up on the hood of Anton’s Mercedes, he stood on the ground between her legs with his arms wrapped around her shoulders. His chin rested on the top of her head, and they were quiet. Somewhere along the line, one of them decided they had spoken enough and the comfortable, close silence ensued.

“Too heavy,” he’d told her before they left the Oceana house. “It’s my birthday, and we made this day way too heavy with all this nonsense. Between last night, this morning, the ring, and this? We need to take five minutes away from all of it and chill out.”

And so, they ended up at the boardwalk. With the sky just beginning to darken and wind picking up from an oncoming storm, most of the people at the pier had left. The few stragglers that were there were also making their way home, so despite the cold as October was coming to an end, Viviana was happy … content.

“We’re going to be late,” she mumbled, not even bothering to try to move out of his strong grasp. The party started at eight, and the club would open at ten for regular services.

“We already are.”

“Oh. Damn.”

His broad shoulders shrugged. “They expected me to be late. It’s fashionable, or so I’ve been told.”

Well, she was quite relaxed, so it wasn’t like she was going to complain. “Okay.”

“Ya lyublyu tyebya,” Anton murmured.

The sweetest feathers of his kisses dotted down the bridge of her nose as Russian rolled off his tongue like dark molasses. Very rarely did she hear him speak it, and usually he only conversed in that language when it was a conversation she wouldn’t want to be a part of anyway. Still, there was something about those unknown words that called to her, drawing Viviana closer into his embrace and body. Anton held her a little tighter, repeating the same phrase again as his mouth brushed over hers.

“I don’t understand.”

“I know,” he said, laughing deeply. “You should learn, even if it’s only a few choice phrases.”

“Italian and English is enough,” she replied, nipping at his cheek playfully. “What did you say?”

“I love you.”

“Oh.” Viviana tried to repeat the words he’d said, failing miserably and getting another round of his laughter at the lame attempt. “Ugh. Never mind.”

“Ya tozhe tyebya lyublyu. Try it.”