Page 99 of Effortless

“Why are you looking at your screen like that?”

Knowing she wasn’t going to get anything done going on like she was, Camilla sighed and closed the laptop screen. She set the computer on the coffee table, leaned back on the couch, and rubbed at her temples.

“You okay?” August asked.

The scents of bergamot and chamomile wafted through the apartment. Compliments of a chamomile tea August had brewed from loose leaves, and a bergamot oil she had put in a diffuser. Apparently, Camilla’s stress wasn’t only visible to herself, but also to her best friend.

August’s way of helping was tea and oil, and quiet.

Lots of quiet.

Except now, her friend seemed ready to talk.

Camilla didn’t know if she was ready, too.

“I don’t know what I am anymore,” Camilla whispered.

She didn’t even know if August had heard her, but she felt slightly better the moment she let the words slip past her lips. It was the first time she had admitted them out loud. It was the first time since Tommaso walked out of her place a month ago that she told someone else in her life that she was hurting.

August had heard her.

Loud and clear.

Camilla wasn’t all too surprised.

This is what best friends were for.

August came to sit on the edge of the coffee table. She moved Camilla’s laptop further away, and picked up the chamomile tea that had long gone cold. Peering into the almost-full mug, her friend let out a heavy exhale.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not sure what to say,” Camilla replied.

“Well, anything you haven’t told me would be a great start.”

Camilla laughed, but it came out strained and bitter. It even left behind a bad taste in her mouth. Fuck everything because she couldn’t even laugh lately without it being something awful, too. So was the way of her life, it seemed.

“You were trying to talk to me earlier, weren’t you?” Camilla asked.

Maybe she wasn’t ready to talk about Tommaso, or what happened. Maybe she wasn’t ready to admit out loud that she had purposely hurt him, and then forced herself not to call him for a whole month despite every single part of her wanting to hear his voice.

Maybe Camilla just wasn’t ready to say she had been wrong.

Old habits died hard.

Hers died even harder.

“It wasn’t anything important,” August murmured. “I was just telling you about a spread I got to help with for Bared Brand’s magazine.”

Camilla stared at her friend.

Heaviness weighed down her heart.

Regret filled her stomach.

Sadness clenched around her lungs.

“Aug,” Camilla said quietly, “that’s fucking amazing, and you know it is.”