Page 78 of Captivated

“And did he?”

“Yep.”

Wise of him, too.

“Have you ever thought that maybe your experience with Rich Earl has … screwed you up a little bit when it comes to guys?” Cella asked.

Liliana’s brow dipped. “I don’t—”

“You either don’t trust men—any men, unless they’re family—or I guess in Joe’s case, you take any hint of something you might not like as a rejection against you personally. So you’ve got walls up high, and when something does come up, it feels bigger than it is because you’ve been prepping and waiting for it like it had to happen or something. Like it’s fucking unavoidable.”

Christ.

Why did her sister have to know her so well?

“Daddy did say that Joe had been told … not to tell me,” Liliana muttered. “And I am quite aware that I look for failure because it’s easier to take when I’m expecting it, thank you. Don’t need you to shrink my head—Daddy paid someone to do that after the whole Rich thing.”

“For the record, the therapist came in when you were dealing with that mess, and not when you were anywhere near ready to date guys again, Liliana. That was not the topic of discussion at your sessions—I know, you told me.”

“Yeah, well.”

“I don’t think making conversation with only you, paying attention to only you, calming you out of a panic attack, going to see your show, and fucking you was part of the job for Joe,” Cella said dryly. “If anything, that’s the kind of thing that would probably make him lose his job, and his life.”

“True,” Liliana said under her breath. “But—”

“You know you acted a little on emotions, and you could have given him the chance to explain better. Or something, Liliana.”

Fine.

“You know, I’ve run off on him, kicked him out of my place, and whatever else; he’s probably looking at me like I am some kind of crazy mess that he doesn’t want to deal with.”

“You’re not crazy.”

Ouch.

The bite in her sister’s tone was enough to sting Liliana all the way through the phone. So, maybe with their brother being bipolar, and often getting teased growing up because they had to walk behind the path he left of destruction, chaos, and uncertainty, crazy was a slur in their house. A word people tossed around without care, and in some cases, used it as a way to harm.

Cella was particularly sensitive to it.

“I know I’m not crazy,” Liliana said.

“Listen,” her sister said after a long pause, “if I find a guy who looks at me the way Joe was looking at you the night you two met, then I would consider myself lucky. Guys who look at girls that way are going to keep coming back, trust me.”

“He wasn’t looking at me like any—”

“Yes, he was, Liliana.”

“No—”

“Yes.”

“Cella.”

“I swear he was,” her sister said firmly, not offering more room for argument. “You just don’t look for that kind of thing in guys anymore, and if you do, it’s secondary to everything else that you’re looking for. Think about it.”

She did.

Now, Liliana looked to see if a guy was a little too sweet, or if he got close to her too fast for her comfort. She tried to look for any signs of jealousy that might rear its ugly head, and she was careful to watch how a man treated others when he didn’t think people were looking. She was always trying to find signs of manipulation—of her, or others—because that’s where she fucked up the first time.