Page 74 of Duty

“I was thinking of taking her to see that princess movie tonight,” Valeria said. “You want to come?”

“Have plans, actually. Sorry.”

Valeria fake pouted. “Your loss.”

Haven laughed. “Is this the same princess movie she went and saw last week, too?”

Valeria shrugged. “Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t.”

“Except it totally is.”

“Someday, you’ll have kids, and then you will understand the struggle of watching the same shit over and over again with no end in sight, simply because it makes them happy to do it. Today may not be that day, mind you, but someday, chica.”

Haven smirked. “Doubt it.”

“Oh, you will. We all learn.”

She wasn’t going to argue with her friend simply because Valeria wasn’t entirely wrong. Haven wanted kids—just not right now. She wasn’t ready to start thinking about all the things having a child would change in her life, really.

Maria was enough for her.

For now, at least.

Valeria leaned over a little on the bench to get closer to Haven as she whispered conspiratorially, “So, tell me about these plans of yours.”

Haven had to laugh at how interested her friend sounded. “Girl, you need to find yourself a man, or something. Get out, date … whatever.”

“But why?”

“Because I swear you’ve been living vicariously through me since we’ve been friends, and that’s just sad. Getting details from someone else isn’t nearly as fun as going out and getting the real thing for yourself, if you know what I mean. She’s old enough for you to leave her with me to babysit while you go out and have a fun night. No one is going to think less of you just because you want to have—”

“It’s not that,” Valeria interjected quickly. “I just … don’t have time, Haven.”

“That’s a lie. You’ve got a great boss who works around whatever schedule you need or ask for. She makes sure you get all kinds of time off, and whatever else you need. So …”

Valeria grinned. “You are a great boss.”

“See!”

“I really don’t have time, though,” her friend said. “And not because I can’t make time, but because I would rather not.”

Haven frowned, and looked over at her friend as Valeria sliced a piece off the apple in her hand. “I don’t follow.”

“I guess … it’s been just me and her for so long, you know what I mean? I try to be there to tuck her into bed every night, and at least wake her up in the morning to tell her to have a good day at school. And so what, just because I want to get laid, I should take time away from her, go out and find someone who might be able to give me a good time? And then what if I do find somebody, Haven, how do I tell her that it’s not going to be just me and her anymore? I don’t want her to resent me because—”

“She wouldn’t,” Haven said confidently. “Especially if you were happy, you know.”

“She might. She’s a kid, okay.”

“But not a stupid kid, or a vindictive one, Val.”

Valeria sighed. “No, I know. I just mean … maybe it’s not her at all, then. Maybe it’s me. Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Again, I don’t follow.”

“Maybe it’s me that’s not ready for all of that mess, Haven. I’ve been worrying about taking care of her and making sure that she has all she needs for so long that I come second to the rest. It’s okay, though. I like it this way.”

Haven felt a pang in her chest, but she stayed quiet. She didn’t want to make her friend feel badly—she didn’t want to open her mouth, and say something that might hurt Valeria. Like the fact that being alone just because she was comfortable, or scared, was sad. Valeria deserved someone to make her happy the way she had worked so hard to make her daughter happy for so long.