Page 61 of Privilege

“I guess so,” Renzo returned. “Nobody else is looking out for them, though. Rose, she can handle herself if she needs to now, but I make sure she’s able to put her focus where it counts.”

“And Diego?”

Renzo glanced his little brother’s way, but Diego was still busy with the benches. “Don’t even know who his dad is, you know? Could be anyone within a ten-mile block of where we were living at the time that was willing to give Carmen a room for that night, or supply her habit for a day or two. I was so fucking pissed.”

Lucia’s fingertips drifted over his clenching jaw. “About what?”

“That she was pregnant again. I fucking hated him just for being there. Wasn’t even his fault, you know, but I did. I hated him for it. The whole time she was pregnant, it just kept getting worse and worse. Like I was dying inside. She couldn’t even stay clean for his pregnancy like she had for ours. She wasn’t using as bad as what she had before she got pregnant, but it was enough to get her day to day without getting sick.”

Her hand on his chest clenched into a tight first against his shirt, but Renzo barely even changed his tone as he spoke about something else he didn’t like to talk about. Maybe he was fucking numb to it now, or he was just broken and couldn’t feel anything at all.

Who knew what the issue was?

Not him.

“I just figured …” Renzo drifted off with a sigh, staring at his little brother again. Diego, who loved him to death and never questioned it. Diego, who was entirely innocent and never asked for anything from anybody. Diego, who never even asked to be here. “I figured he’d be another mouth to feed. I was almost sixteen when he was born. Kind of realized he didn’t have anybody either, and it wasn’t really him I was pissed off at.”

Lucia let her fingers drift through the longer bits of his hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “But you love him.”

“Loved him the second he was born. I was there—outside the room. Fed him first. Stayed up with him the whole night when she first brought him home.”

Lucia’s brow furrowed. “Where was your mom?”

“Getting high.”

Story of my life.

“And you know,” Renzo said in an exhale, “he didn’t ask for her, either. Just like the rest of us.”

“Wait … if she was using when she was pregnant, does that mean he was born—”

Renzo openly frowned as he interjected, “He shook so bad, and cried so loudly. It got better after the first week, but it took another week before he could sleep for even an hour at a time. But he still jerked in his sleep. Scared the fucking hell out of me—I’d stay awake and just watch him because I didn’t know any better. I thought he was going to stop breathing.”

“Ren.”

He was stuck staring at his brother, and remembering that first month of life. He hadn’t known anything about babies—not how to feed, change, or care for them at all. But he learned a hell of a lot about love from Diego.

He figured out it was absolutely possible for him to love something in a world full of things that he hated.

“Renzo.”

His gaze drifted back to Lucia’s pretty features. No pity stared back at him, and for that, he was most grateful.

“She had him in a clinic provided by a shelter she was using. They were already at fucking capacity and overflowing. More women coming in who couldn’t afford a hospital bill.” Renzo let out a dead laugh, so full of bitterness and anger. “It was a shift change when the talk of drawing blood came up, so a nurse mentioned drug screening. All standard. The shift change happened, another nurse came in talking about discharging Carmen and Diego because they needed the bed.”

Lucia blinked, and understanding dawning on her face. “The blood screening never happened.”

“He could have died going through withdrawals because she was too selfish to stop using. And fuck, maybe if they’d gotten that screening in, he’d be … somewhere better. Given to a family that could have given him a good life, or—”

“You’re the best place for him,” Lucia said sharply, making Renzo meet her gaze again. “He wants to be with you.”

Did that make it the best place for Diego, though?

Renzo didn’t know, but he wasn’t willing to find out, either. Diego was staying with him until the kid was old enough to take care of himself, and even then, Renzo would be watching his back. Simple as that.

“It’s not even about you at all, is it?” she asked. “It’s all for them when it comes to you.”

Renzo smirked up at the inky sky. “There’s no worth in me, Lucia. Why would I get up for me? More important people are waiting.”