Page 40 of Contempt

Fuck was the only thing his mind was screaming. It was the only word that seemed to accurately describe the screw up that was this goddamn day. He knew it wasn’t that big of a deal, in a way. He could head out of the city, and pretend like Lucia hadn’t seen him. If he didn’t entertain it, then it didn’t happen.

Yeah, shit.

He could pretend.

Not that he wanted to.

God.

More than anything, he wanted to go find her. Right now. Five minutes ago. Hell, if he had the ability to turn time back, then he would have walked right across the street as soon as he saw her step out of that cab.

Except … he couldn’t.

The League and their stupid fucking rules. Lucia was the one line in the sand he didn’t even attempt to cross. He didn’t even toe it, for Christ’s sake. It wasn’t because he was unwilling to push their limits—because clearly, he would—but Lucia was the one thing he wanted so very badly.

She was the one thing that, after all these years, he still didn’t have back in one way or another. He was able to speak to his sister, and get updates about his brother. He wasn’t followed twenty-four-seven anymore. He could live on his own, and do work without someone constantly looking over his shoulder.

But her?

Lucia?

She was the only thing he didn’t have.

And whether or not The League allowed him contact with her before the five-year contract was up meant nothing once it was over. Still, he followed that rule. He stayed in line when it came to her, and their demands.

He did what he was supposed to do because Christ, he wanted her. He had to make it to the end of those five years, so he could get her.

Simple as that.

Renzo threw open the door to his hotel room, and slammed it shut far harder than was necessary. He wasn’t even thinking. Mostly, he felt like he was currently running on autopilot for the most part.

He’d hoped his stay in New York would be a couple of days longer than this—at least long enough for him to spend some time with his sister and brother. Maybe take a walk on his old streets, and get that familiar comfort running through his veins.

He was going to have to cut his time here short, but that couldn’t be helped. He knew exactly what would happen in this city if he stayed knowing Lucia was here, too. Now that he’d laid eyes on her, and felt her near?

Oh, yeah.

He fucking knew what he would do.

Run.

Right to her.

He’d not felt this way when he was following that stupid Italian fuck around California. Even knowing she was there—somewhere nearby—he’d not purposely tried to seek her out. He knew better; knew what it would mean for himself. He thought New York was going to be safe; he figured it would be fine because she wasn’t even here.

Clearly, he’d been wrong.

Renzo was weaker than he thought.

Fuck him for it, too.

Yanking the small, navy blue duffle bag out from under the bed, Renzo tossed it to the sheets. He didn’t even bother to prop it open before he was coming back to the bag with an armful of shit that he basically just grabbed up from the table where he had set it after arriving in the city, and checking in to the room.

Clothes and other things he had brought along for this short trip. Certainly nothing he gave much of a damn about, but he was going to need it when he headed back to work. The Savino job was still very much on the table.

Renzo didn’t think he was in the right frame of mind to be working right now, but at least it would keep him focused on something else instead of the thing he wanted to do the most. He wasn’t very good at denying himself something he wanted, and so, he was going to have to put his attention somewhere else for as long as he possibly could.

He’d been willing to argue about being some fucker’s babysitter before, but screw that, now. They wanted him to babysit? Fine, that’s what he would do. Whatever got him out of this city, and kept him as far away from it as was possible.