Page 264 of Cara & Gian: The Guzzi Duet

“We’re us, Gian. And I like us perfectly fine.”

“You like us. You like being my mistress and being seen as the dirty little secret in my life. You like being treated less than someone else, simply because you don’t have my last name. You like having your child be pushed aside because—”

“You’ve never done any of that, and certainly not to Marcus.”

“But others do. And if they haven’t yet, they will in the future. Because that’s inevitable, love. Don’t you understand? He won’t always be little, but I will always be married to someone else. As he gets older, as he becomes more present and not just a cute baby in the corner, he will become more of the awkward conversation people need to have, rather than what he is now. You don’t deserve that, and neither does he, no matter what you’ve told yourself to believe otherwise.”

“I haven’t told myself anything.”

“Clearly you have, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“You clearly know nothing about what goes on inside my head, Gian.”

“Cara, I don’t want to fight tonight. You asked what I felt was right regarding what your brother said, and I told you. There’s no need for you to agree or disagree, or talk for hours on end about it. It’s just an opinion.”

“It’s also the wrong one.”

“Cara—”

“It’s the wrong one!”

Gian scrubbed his hand down his face, sighing. “Just … let’s have this conversation tomorrow. Okay?”

“No. Not okay.”

“Well, I’m done for tonight.”

With that, Gian turned on his heel and headed down the hallway again. Cara didn’t even think before going after him once more. This time, she didn’t bother to grab him in an attempt to stop him, but rather, scooted around his side and came up in front of him. She slammed a single palm into his chest with enough force to make her hand sting and make him come to a full stop with narrowed eyes.

“We’re not done,” Cara said calmly, “not until I say we are, Gian.”

“Come on, mon ange.”

“I’m so fucking sorry that you have had to tell yourself some kind of shit to justify why you think I’m still here. I’m sorry you must have thought I was going to run at some point, because maybe that’s just what you think I do. I’m sorry you don’t think I’m a strong enough woman, or good enough, to do this with you, but I am. I have always been, Gian. And do you want to know the one thing I have never needed to know I was that woman?”

“Try me.”

“For you to tell me. I don’t need you to tell me anything. Not that you love me, or our son. Not that you’ll be there, even when being here only digs your holes deeper elsewhere. I don’t need you to tell me how you struggle, or that you worry about me, or that your biggest fear is that in thirty years, we’re going to be just like your grandfather and his mistress. Locked away in a high-rise penthouse, hiding from the rest of the world on weekends, because we’re so wrong and bad and isn’t that just a fucking shame. Isn’t it a fucking shame that you’ve got a mistress, so nobody talks about it, because I’ll be your secret that’s not really a secret?”

“I will never be that woman,” Cara continued, “because you’ll never be that man, Gian. I am not the one between us who needs to figure that out. What do you want to do? What do you need me to make you do so that you feel justified in what you think you’ve done to me? Do you want me to put you on your knees, Gian? Crawl across the floor to me, with your head low and your eyes down because you don’t even deserve to look at me. Is that it? Do you want me to make you beg every time you come near me, or apologize again when I let you in close enough to touch me? Do you need to be forgiven, is that it?”

Gian’s lips flattened into a grim line, but he stayed quiet.

Cara didn’t really need him to talk.

“If that is what you’re waiting for, Gian, you’re going to wait a long damn time,” Cara said, never once looking away from his gaze. There, she’d always found his heart and soul. He couldn’t hide it staring back at her. “The things I needed to forgive you for, I already did. It’s not my responsibility to forgive you for things you manifest all on your own, nor is it my job to tell you I already forgave you for the things you did do. I didn’t do that for you, I did it for me. Because I love you. I have always loved you. I always will.”

She poked him hard in the middle of his naked chest.

“And that is the end of the discussion, Gian, because I said so, not you.”

“Well,” Gian said gruffly, his hand coming up to enclose Cara’s finger still poking his chest, “it’s certainly the end of this discussion. I’m starting to think we need to have an entirely different one altogether, considering your mood.”

“And what is that? Because there’s nothing else for us to say about it.”

He lowered her hand in his own. “There’s lots to say, Cara. But you’re right, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m right?”