Page 137 of John + Siena: The Complete Duet

She thought so.

Siena didn’t snoop. She wasn’t the type, and she didn’t want to betray anyone’s trust by doing so.

Especially not John.

But at the moment, John had headed out for a jog because apparently he needed to run even though it was February. He was grabbing them breakfast on the way back, or so he said.

What that meant to Siena, however, was that she had a few minutes alone inside John’s place. She could either confirm or deny some of her suspicions about his current state.

It made her sick to think about it.

It hurt her heart to consider it.

Yet, she knew she didn’t have a choice. If John was in the midst of a hypomanic episode, or working towards a full-blown mania, then it would only hurt him to continue to ignore it.

She couldn’t ignore it.

She had to know.

Jordyn’s words had been playing on repeat every day since the dinner.

He seems fine, she had said. He seems productive. He’ll work and work. He’ll deny if you ask because he really doesn’t think anything is wrong. Sometimes he can recognize his problem, and sometimes he can’t. It’s a roll of the dice.

For whatever reason, Jordyn had felt like she needed to tell Siena those things. A part of her was grateful because it gave her a better sense of what was really going on with John, and maybe how to help. A smaller part of her had been stuck in a constant state of worry since that night.

Because …

What would it mean if John was approaching a full blown manic episode? What would it mean if he was already there? How could she help him, then?

Siena didn’t know, so right then, she opted to push those thoughts aside. She would deal with it later.

Walking through the small two-level Queens home that John kept meticulously clean, Siena took things in again with a new eye. No dirt could be seen, and nothing was out of place. The bookcases and shelves showcasing the movies in the living room were organized by what seemed to be his favorites. The black shelves didn’t have even one speck of dust. She was pretty sure she could eat off the floor, not that she would try.

Every room downstairs was the same. Clean, organized, and looking almost like a showcase. Not as though someone lived there, but as if it was ready for a buyer to come in and have a look around.

Cold, in a way. A lot of John’s personality was not actually on display in his home. Sure, he had things he liked here and there. Artwork, knickknacks, and different things. But little else. Nothing to say he had just spent a good eight hours walking around in his own home, and once again, cleaning it from top to bottom.

Eight hours, Siena knew, because yet again, John had not slept. Every time she spent the night at his place, or he at hers, she would wake up to find John roaming the halls. He might be scrolling through his phone, or watching TV. Sometimes he would be cleaning something, or staring out the window at nothing.

When she asked, he assured her that he wasn’t tired. Nothing he did belied that fact. He was full of energy, he kept going constantly, and he never missed a click. There was no sign of exhaustion in his eyes. He never even yawned.

So no, she didn’t think he was tired. At least, not physically.

Mentally, though?

Mentally he had to be exhausted.

And maybe that was the problem. Maybe his mind just wouldn’t stop. Maybe he couldn’t sleep because his mind wouldn’t slow down enough to allow his body to rest.

She was upstairs looking through the meticulously organized closet when she heard the doorbell ring downstairs. Quickly, she made her way down to the main floor, and didn’t bother to check the front door before she swung it open.

On the other side, a delivery man waited. He had a whole moving dolly full of boxes. Big ones, and small ones.

Siena did a quick count.

Fifteen boxes in all.

“Sign for these, ma’am,” the man said.