Page 173 of John + Siena: The Complete Duet

“It’ll be okay John,” his father said. “Another one of those things for us to figure out.”

“Will it?”

How could it be?

“We’ll handle it, John. We always handle it.”

John thought about how easy it would be to fix this problem forever. How simple it would be to take away the one issue that constantly brought his father and the rest of his family so much heartache, and so much trouble.

Him, that was.

He thought of the gun in the bedside drawer. He knew what gun metal tasted like. It wouldn’t be the first time he tried to swallow a bullet.

Wouldn’t it be easier?

He thought so.

He also knew those thoughts—those self-harming thoughts—were not entirely his own. And if he didn’t speak up to deal with them now, they would only get far worse.

John looked up at his father. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Dad.”

With words.

With violence.

With more …

Lucian shook his head. “You always see these things far differently than the rest of us, John.”

Maybe.

“Tell her I’m sorry I had to go again.”

Lucian frowned. “What?”

“Siena. I’m always leaving her with no explanation. I promised I wouldn’t do that anymore.”

“We’ll fix this, John.”

“Sure.”

For now, though …

He had to fix himself.

“Are you not interested in talking with me at all today, Johnathan?”

The white-haired, bespectacled therapist rarely ever sat down during his sessions with John. The man liked to move, and it was a little disconcerting for him. Especially considering John liked to look at people when he talked to them. See their eyes, and gage their words when they spoke.

His therapist at Clearview Oaks Facility was everything John was not accustomed to. And yet, John looked forward to this hour every day with Leonard.

“I don’t know if I want to talk, no,” John admitted. “I haven’t done much of that today.”

He hadn’t talked a lot at all since he voluntarily admitted himself into the place. That was three weeks ago.

The first week was hell.

Suicide watch all the way.