Page 274 of John + Siena: The Complete Duet

John figured.

Lucian was too proud a man to tell someone he was in pain, or that someone had bested him in a way that kept him down for the count. That, and Marcello men just didn’t talk about that kind of shit when it came to pain, or injuries. Weaknesses were not publically acknowledged as to not give someone a vulnerability to pick on.

So was their life.

So was their ways.

He gave Jordyn a quick kiss to her cheek, and let her pat the side of his face with her warm palm. He was trying to be more affectionate with his mother—affectionate gestures did not always come easy to John because a lot of the times, they just made him feel awkward and out of place.

This wasn’t the same thing.

It was his mother.

He loved her.

He should show her.

“Thank you for trying,” Jordyn murmured too low for Cella to hear. “Regardless of the rest, that matters, John.”

He nodded once. “I know, Ma.”

She patted his cheek once more, and then darted out of the living room. He knew she probably wouldn’t come back, despite her declaring she was going to make him a coffee. He would likely have to go find her after this was all said and done.

“Do you have a minute?” John asked his sister.

Cella shrugged, and probably just to keep her hands busy, grabbed the item of clothing that she had previously discarded. A baby onesie. “I guess. What do you need?”

“Very little, actually.”

“Not sure I’m the right one to help you then, John.”

Probably not.

He was hoping to help her, maybe.

John eyed the baby onesie she folded with careful hands. “You’re staying here, huh?”

Cella nodded. “It’s easier. Ma helps me with Tiffany, and Daddy gives me someone to rage at when it’s all …”

“A little too much,” John finished for her.

“Basically.”

“Dad’s good like that.”

“He is,” Cella agreed. “And besides, it’s hard being home. Seeing things, and being around things. I cleared a bit out because someone said that might help—it fucking didn’t.”

“People don’t know anything about this kind of grief, Cella. Nobody really knows what it’s like to lose someone—your spouse, I mean. They’re well-intentioned, but a lot of the shit they say still sucks. I know you probably don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, but you can tell them to stop when you need them to fuck off. It’s okay to do that.”

Tears gathered in his sister’s eyes, but she kept her passive expression turned down on her work. “So I am learning.”

“And I’m sorry.”

Cella’s hands froze in her work. “Pardon?”

John shrugged when she shot him a look. “You blame me for things, and I get it. I didn’t pull the trigger, but I’m a catalyst in a way to William dying.”

“Are you?”