Page 15 of One Last Time

Rose loved her daddy. All he needed to do was give her five minutes of his attention, like reading a nighttime story, and the girl would be snoring away sooner rather than later.

On another night, Haven would have enjoyed listening to Andino read to one of their daughters. It was the quickest way to make her heart swell with every emotion possible that was good and great and wonderful. All the love in their home was everything she dreamed of, and her girls had the best father.

Except right now, she felt none of that.

How could she when she was scared?

The bigger problem was that Haven didn’t know how to explain that to Andino, and she couldn’t be like him, either. She wasn’t capable of being a mother in one moment, pretending everything was perfectly fine, and then flip a switch to be the kind of woman who just doesn’t bat an eye at something like what happened that day.

She couldn’t do it.

She wouldn’t apologize for it, either.

Not that he ever asked her to.

Shaking her head, but not getting free of the heaviness weighing her down like nothing else, Haven began to ready for the night. She had no doubt that once Andino was done with Rose, they wouldn’t have to run for one of the girls again for the rest of the night. Changing from her day clothes into one of Andino’s shirts that were huge on her, she then sat down at her vanity to begin removing her makeup and the rest of this godforsaken day.

Even after she finished her nightly routine, Haven still didn’t move from her vanity. Instead, she hugged her arms around her middle and knees once she drew her feet up to the edge of the chair. She stared at the reflection in the mirror, letting her thoughts race through her mind one after another, warring for space and attention, while she did nothing more than watch the battle in her eyes. Soon, a familiar figure stood behind her in the mirror.

“Did you not hear the phone?” he asked.

Haven rested her chin on her arm. “Did it ring?”

“Yeah, it was your mom. She said they got their tickets for that trip here in a couple months.”

A slow, steady stream of air left her lips in a long sigh.

Andino kneeled down as he put his hands to her chair. A soft kiss found the back of her neck while he murmured all the words she needed to hear—words she loved to hear him say. It wasn’t any different than the things he’d been telling her all day or even the shit he said downstairs. He would fix it. He was sorry. It wouldn’t happen again.

She didn’t doubt it.

She also knew it very well might happen all over again—time and time again, in fact, over their life together. Because that was the thing. This was their life. The one she decided to spend with him. Still, knowing all those things and settling herself with those facts didn’t change that Haven could never prepare for these days.

“I just …”

His lips hesitated against the soft, sensitive skin behind her ear when her words trailed off. Lifting his gaze to meet hers in the mirror, he arched a brow to silently urge her to continue. It took her a moment, but she did. Somehow.

“I just don’t know how to be the person who has moments like those happen and doesn’t bat a lash at it, and then can turn around and be a mom and a business owner and a wife. It’s a little too much. I always fuck up at something, don’t I?”

“Do you?” he asked.

“Andino—”

“I’m not sure what you want to hear from me here, Haven.”

“How do you be that man so well—how am I supposed to always be that woman, too?”

“I don’t have an answer.”

“At all, or just right now?” she returned.

“I just do it—I just am.”

“But why?”

“I don’t know.”

He would eventually give her an answer. She knew it—it simply might take some time.