Page 49 of One Breath After Another

And it had been ... calming.

The very act of kneading the bread to perfection, and then twisting braided strips before cutting precise slices in all the right spots was soothing in a way she hadn’t expected. It also kept her talking. Maybe too much, even. She hadn’t realized how much easier it would be to share her truth—and pain—with someone who had similar experiences.

Katya never told her to stop.

So, she didn’t.

Her therapist had suggested group therapy once. A meeting that she could attend once a week in place of one of the days she had to visit the doctor. Women of all ages, as long as they were seventeen or older, came to share stories of their sexual abuse in a therapeutic setting while finding support with others like them.

Penny said no.

Fast.

The very idea of sharing in an open setting had sent her anxiety skyrocketing. But one on one with Katya didn’t feel so bad or scary. Or maybe ... there was just something about her that Penny trusted. She didn’t know what it was, and she didn’t care as long as it was real.

Now, sitting in Roz’s piano room while the two women drank green tea, Katya admitted, “There was a time when I used this room as a place to escape. It was so much easier to be in here for hours a day listening to Roz play than it was anywhere else. I only had one thing to focus on in here, after all.”

Hot tea flooded Penny’s tongue while she took in those words and decided how she wanted to respond. “Is it still hard sometimes—wanting to hide away, I mean?”

“I won’t lie, sometimes it is.”

Penny sighed where she sat cross-legged on the piano bench. Lowering the cup between her legs, she said, “Today, a guy at school brought up my father and what he did to me. And maybe that wouldn’t have been so bad except he asked if it was still going on. Like, could he get in on the—”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugged.

Katya wasn’t accepting that for a minute. “Don’t shrug it off, Penny. Don’t dismiss that kind of thing like it’s just something you should have expected. That makes your brain think you should also accept it. And you shouldn’t. Ever.”

“I didn’t. I punched him in the mouth. That’s not very accepting to me.”

The woman across from her grinned wide, not even ashamed. “Well, fair point, but still ... it hurt. It was triggering to you. And it’s perfectly fine to say so. Loudly, even. Over and over again until people hear you and understand. Your best advocate is yourself.”

Penny quieted.

But only for a moment.

“I’m not sure if I’m trying to advocate or just ... survive right now.”

“I’m sorry to say but that never really goes away,” Katya murmured, her soft smile fading when Penny’s stare lifted to meet hers. “Things make it easier ... time, and life. Finding the right people who make you want to stay on this earth to be with them. The same people that teach you to see yourself as something more than a body to be used. When you’re worth something to someone else, when they love you, it’s easier to love yourself. Eventually, you begin to do those things on your own because we start to rewire.”

That was the first time Penny heard that term used.

“Rewire?

Katya laughed, pointing at her temple. “In here. It’s not right and it takes time to fix it. To rewire, so to speak. You’ve got to give it the time it needs to work.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re on the right track, Penny. You’ve found the right people to help. My daughter, Naz ... even Luca, they all care about you a great deal. Let them. And heal while you’re at it.”

She would keep it in mind.

Penny wiped away the wetness under her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie, thankful that Katya didn’t even mention noticing the tears. She might have been getting better at this whole ... talking thing, but she didn’t want people to point it out. Some shit was still just hers.

Even if that meant dealing with it alone, too.

She could do that.