Page 59 of The Promise

THIRTEEN

Karine woke up the next day with Roman’s name already on her lips. As if she’d been dreaming of him all night. God. Maybe she did. She still couldn’t remember her dreams. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t in the room with her—because she’d demanded he stay away from her—and yet, impossibly, it felt like he’d been touching her all night. That he had his arms around her up until the very minute when she opened her eyes.

Eyes that brimmed with tears she couldn’t blink away while she struggled to focus on the sloped, log ceiling of the bedroom overhead. Already, she was remembering that Roman would be leaving today.

Barely awake, and it hurt.

Karine wasn’t ready for how it would feel when he was actually gone.

Refusing to let her mind obsess over something she couldn’t control, Karine climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom that was attached to the room. Her steps on the cold, hardwood floors hesitated when the sight of Masha asleep on the floor reminded her that she wasn’t actually alone.

Masha had made a bed for herself at the door like she’d been doing for a while. Every time Karine asked why she was choosing to sleep on the floor, like a guard at her door when she’d been given her own room, Masha’s answer was always the same.

She just wanted to make sure that Karine felt safe.

How could she argue with that, all things considered? Especially now that Roman was leaving. It was one thing to be in Vermont with him, but it was an entirely different thing when he hadn’t intended to stay.

Karine’s favorite room in the lodge was the bathroom attached to her private bedroom. The moment the door opened, gone was the wood-designed focus, and instead, the space opened up to white tile and marble. Everything from the plush towels rolled into fluffy tubes inside the rows of shelves to the tub in the middle, hanging like a stretched hammock, it was all white.

Luxurious.

Calming, in a way.

It was essentially a spa in the middle of nowhere with a spot to sit and enjoy tea or breakfast at a window nook, a freestanding shower with a view of the trees outside, and even a masseuse table.

There was no denying that Roman was going to leave her in the lap of luxury, even though he was still leaving her. Karine just wasn’t interested in any of that—she didn’t care how big the house was or the enviable amenities the place had to offer. None of it would make a difference when he wasn’t there.

She splashed icy cold water on her face at the sink, and took a moment to stare at herself in the mirror. Soon, in only a few hours, Roman would be gone and then she’d be alone. She couldn’t escape the thoughts, the creeping fears slithering around her spine, or even the deep sense of impending abandonment that wouldn’t leave her fast-beating heart. No matter how many times someone tried to assure Karine those feelings weren’t real, another fight she’d been battling for most of her life, she didn’t listen.

How could she?

She felt it.

Rational or not.

It was still there.

Sure, she’d have Masha, Michelle, Claire and even the handful of bodyguards who were supposed to keep her safe—none of them would make her feel the way he did, though. That was thing, and she didn’t know how to explain it.

Would it even matter if she did?

Had she been wrong in trusting Roman, in getting so wrapped up in the way he made her feel that she forgot he was still just a man? And every other man in her life, well ... they had all taught her the same in one way or another. In the end, the lesson never really changed—but goddamn, it always hurt.

She pressed her eyes closed, and searched her mind for those conflicting voices that sometimes warred within her. The voice of Katee, soft and mellow, telling her she just needed to forget. The commanding, older, more authoritative Katina who would say she should fight. Hurt people only hurt people, Karine. That was the only way for her to survive.

Yet, as much as she searched for those voices, she couldn’t hear them. Even the fractured fragments of her mind, a mess of her own making, didn’t seem to want to help Karine today.

Just my luck.

The only thing she found when she opened her eyes again was the face staring back at her in the mirror. Her own.

Sadly.

If even the identities meant to protect her from pain wouldn’t save her, Karine wasn’t quite sure what could. All she wanted, more than anything, was to make her way back to bed, hide beneath the blankets, and stay there for the rest of the day.

Or forever.

Either worked.