Page 28 of The Marriage

Karine had tried hard to keep from giving into her weakness for him. All those thoughts and the pain she wanted him to hear her say jumbled together, stumbling over her racing heart, and nothing came out right.

As much as she had tried, she couldn’t get him to see the damage he was doing. He apologized and made excuses, but she didn’t think he could see how he was breaking her. All the progress she’d made, the trust she had in him—everything fell apart.

Just like that.

She didn’t even bother asking him how long she’d be here. Where he was going, or if they would see each other soon. Could she call him?

Nothing.

She didn’t ask him anything.

Karine had to make herself walk away from him because he didn’t deserve her affection. She wanted to despise him.

If only she didn’t already love him.

*

Eventually, Karine did leave the safety of the bathroom. They brought her to the room that was supposed to be her living space indefinitely—only big enough to fit the dresser, bed, two-person dining table, and a small sitting area in front of big bay windows that faced the dry land outside. There was a flatscreen behind glass inside the wall, and a camera in the corner.

She would later discover another camera in the bathroom. The place had every inch covered, no matter how humiliating. The women who escorted her to the room, Mel and the nurse from earlier, ran through the rules that Karine didn’t care to hear. It was only once she sat on the rubbery sheet covering the bed and realized it was like that so someone couldn’t use the fabric to make some form of ligature, that she really shut down.

She could have asked Mel how long she would be there for, but she didn’t bother—why when she would either be refused an answer, or lied to. Clearly, there was something at stake for the staff handling her. Money, reputation ... freedom, even.

What was the point, anyway.

Even if not knowing did both to her ... even if not knowing made her dark thoughts worse, and her self-hatred spiral. Maybe Roman had committed her for life. Maybe he couldn’t deal with her just like her father.

Perhaps, had she known that the last few days would be her final days of freedom, Karine might have done things differently. Now, she was a prisoner to somebody else. It was starting to feel like she was nothing but a scrunched up piece of paper being passed around from one pair of grubby hands to the next.

Each one left her more used, and dirty.

The wrinkles weren’t coming out.

“Do you like the room?” A voice interrupted her thoughts.

Karine winced, and turned to look. A middle-aged woman stood by the door, her hands clasped together and her head tilted gently to the side as she regarded the young woman resting in the bed, lost to her mind.

When she didn’t say anything, the woman continued, “I asked for you to have this one because of the view—I hoped it would allow you a place to meditate without interruption. We don’t typically see much movement out there.”

She gestured at the windows.

Karine didn’t bother to look.

She couldn’t help but wonder what it was with all these women—first Masha, then Michelle and now this lady. Why did they all think they were going to fix her? They couldn’t.

“I’m Sylvia. I’m going to be your therapist here. I know it’s your first day, but I would really like it if we got to know each other, Karine.”

Her soft voice and quiet demeanor only added to her friendly smile. She wasn’t trying to hurry Karine in to doing something—so, at least that was a relief. That didn’t mean she wanted to talk.

When Karine still didn’t speak, Sylvia continued.

“I promise it won’t take you very long. At the start, it can all be a little overwhelming. It’s a new place, and you don’t see anybody you recognize, but that will all change soon. I always like to give people as many days as they need to get accustomed to their new environment. Don’t worry, we don’t have to start working any time soon.”

She made air quotes with her fingers as she said working, and the smile never left her face.

Ugh.

No, thanks.