Page 46 of Falling

“Well, there you go.” I could hear the shrug in Joel’s voice. Everything always seemed so easy for him. I wished he could teach me how. “You should go for it. It’s not as if any of this is going to come as a surprise to him, if he knows you at all.”

That was a fair point. Booker knew what I was like. He kept saying he liked the weird, and I thought he meant it.

I didn’t have anything to be scared of. I knew that. I was never scared around him. At least, when he wasn’t personally opening the lid on a box I’d marked unanswered questions about my sexuality, sealed, and tucked away in the back of the attic of my mind palace.

I didn’t have a mind palace.

But if I did, that was where I would’ve stored that box. Or maybe in one of the dungeons, if it was a palace. At the bottom of the moat, maybe?

“I want to tell him,” I said, surer now. “I want... I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”

“He sounds perfect for you,” Joel said kindly.

“I’m gonna tell him on my lunch break tomorrow,” I promised both of us so I couldn’t back out. If I’d told Joel I was doing it, I’d have to do it.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Joel said, as expected. “You deserve to be happy. You at minimum deserve some great dick now that you know you’re into it.”

I covered my face in embarrassment and barely stifled a groan.

But. I could admit to myself that I was into it. At least, I was so curious I couldn’t stand not knowing. Theoretically, I was into dick and I wanted to test the theory.

And Booker was safe. I trusted him to help me find out what I wanted. I knew he’d be kind to me.

“Thanks, Joel,” I said when I recovered from the wave of embarrassment. “You’re a good friend.”

18

BOOKER

“Dammit,” I swore under my breath as the sound of shattering glass filled the otherwise empty bar.

Just as well no one was around to see me this morning. Andre had taken an early lunch. Probably because I’d been stomping around like a bear with a bee sting on his ass.

I’d managed not to actually snap at anyone. I could almost forgive myself for feeling like this as long as I didn’t take it out on anyone else.

I went for something to sweep the glass up with, cursing myself for being so ridiculous.

Alex was allowed to get married. He was even allowed to invite me.

Miles was allowed to be busy for one day. He didn’t owe me anything. Besides, if I’d seen him yesterday, I might’ve...

Been short with him, or something, which I didn’t want to do.

I swept up what I could and grabbed a trash bag to drop the bigger pieces into.

The door to the bar creaked open just as I was picking one of them up and I swore under my breath as a sharp edge sliced through my skin.

“Book?” Miles asked from the door.

I’d wanted to see him. I’d wanted to see him so bad it’d been gnawing a hole in my gut.

Now that he was here, I didn’t want him to see me. Not like this.

I fell back onto my ass, hand bleeding sluggishly, and sighed.

“Hey, Miles,” I said, closing my eyes. I couldn’t look at him. No matter what I saw on his face, I wasn’t in a frame of mind to handle it.

“You’re bleeding,” he said. The next thing I knew, he was holding my hand. I hissed as the cut shifted, but it wasn’t enough to scare him off.