Page 122 of Over Time Advantage

I smile at her sauciness. “I’m not asking for top secret girly information, just a little something on her behind-the-scenes demeanor.”

“Girly information? I swear you think we have pillow fights in our panties and gossip about cute boys while telling each other secrets.”

I chuckle. “I think all men believe women do that.”

She giggles. “I know you do.” Her face turns a bit more serious. “Speaking of secrets, I’d really like everything out in the open.” Her shoulders drop. “I always feel like I’m deceiving her on some level, and I hate it. As soon as the season is over, we’ll talk to her and Pierce, right?”

I can tell it’s wearing on her. Much more so lately. She’s mentioned it several times, but we agreed to wait until the season was over so as not to be disruptive to Kennedy. She’s had a career year, and, while I think my relationship with Fallon will be welcome, we want to avoid any drama that might derail her focus.

I nod. “Yep. I told Ginny about our timeline. Pierce is in college now. He’s an adult. I’m done constantly tiptoeing around him. He’ll cope. And if he can’t handle it, too bad. I have a feeling once he meets you, he’ll be fine.”

She wiggles her eyebrows. “Are you saying I’m likable?”

“You, my beautiful angel, are lovable.”

She nods but she seems like she has something more to say.

“What’s on your mind, angel face?”

She swallows nervously. “We’ve…umm…been avoiding a certain topic.”

I exhale a long breath, obviously knowing what she’s referring to. “You’re right. We have.”

She looks down and fiddles nervously with the stem of her wine glass. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention it earlier. It’s a weird thing to talk about at the beginning of a relationship. Hi, nice to meet you. I want more kids. I didn’t want to rock the boat and didn’t want to seem over-anxious about us. When you’re in your twenties, I think the desire for children is assumed. I recognize that at our age it’s not.” Her eyes meet mine. “Honestly, I kind of wimped out on it because I was fearful of your answer.”

“I understand, and I’ve wimped out on discussing it since your mom brought it up because, honestly, it had never even occurred to me before that night.” I motion for her, needing to touch her body, wanting to put her at ease. “Come here. Everything is better—easier—when we’re close.”

She stands and situates herself across my lap before twirling her fingers through the back of my hair. She’s adorably nervous. “I’ve just…always seen myself having more kids, Jett. I want more.”

“And you’re…able?” I ask. I have no fucking idea how old women can be and still carry a baby.

She shrugs. “I’m not entirely sure. You know I still get periods so theoretically everything is working properly. I…umm…also had several eggs frozen after my divorce. I was worried I might get too old to carry myself and thought it prudent to do so just in case I needed them. So, yes, I have young eggs ready for duty when called upon, even if my body can no longer produce adequately.”

I absorb her words as I tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking about this. I don’t want to bullshit her.

“I want to be completely honest with you. You know how much I value honesty. My kids are adults. Raising them wasn’t smooth sailing for me. We didn’t have the cooperative, wholesome, modern family you have with Harper, Tanner, and now Bailey.” I run my hands under her cover-up and over the smooth skin of her bare back, needing to touch her skin. “You’ve seen how it impacted my children. My scars from it run deep. I carry the weight of it on my shoulders every day. The guilt is almost too much to bear at times. I don’t see myself having any more kids. I love you. I want to be with you. I’m in this for the long haul. But I don’t want more kids.” I lick my lips nervously at the question I’ve been afraid to ask for weeks. “Is it a dealbreaker for you?”

Tears well in her eyes, making them shine bright. “I’d be lying if I said I’m not disappointed because I am.” My shoulders fall. “But,” she continues as she brings her forehead to mine, “I’m madly in love with you. I’m at the point of no return. There’s no one else for me. You’re the one. I can’t live without you. Is it something you think you might reconsider in a year or so? Obviously time is ticking, but is the door completely shut?” she asks hopefully.

I won’t be deceitful, but I feel like I need to give something here. “If you’re willing to entertain the likelihood that I might never feel differently, I’m willing to leave the door open a crack. In all honesty, I don’t see it ever opening, but I’m not saying it never will.”

She nods in understanding. I hate the disappointment present in her eyes.

I run my thumbs over her cheeks. “I have so many plans for us. I’ve never traveled because I haven’t had anyone I wanted to do it with. Now I do. I want us to see the world together, angel face. I want to go to Machu Picchu and Bangkok. I want us to take in the Northern Lights from some spectacular location. I want to kiss you while we’re floating in a gondola in Venice.”

She gives me a small smile. I know it’s not the same, but I hope it’s something for her to look forward to.

I can see her emotions hitting hard. If I believed I could be a good father, I’d do it for her, but I don’t.

Seeing her sad face is crushing me. “Am I enough for you?” I whisper, fearful of the answer.

Her teary eyes meet mine. She’s silent for a few long beats before she whispers back, “Yes, you are.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “I love you, Fallon. It’s true, unbreakable love. Once-in-a-lifetime love.”

Tears now stream down her cheeks. She nods and whispers, “I love you too.”

“I wish more than anything that we had met when we were younger and started a family together. But as fate would have it, we didn’t meet until later. We have three amazing kids between us. That can be our family.”