Page 16 of Over Time Advantage

My mind immediately drifts to Jett. He outwardly looks like he would have a revolving door of women, but I learned that he doesn’t. In fact, he’s never once been photographed with any female except his ex-wife. And I scoured the internet wondering if his innocent routine was bullshit. It’s not. The only photographs of him off the field over the past few years are with his son, sitting at Kennedy’s basketball games, or out to dinner with a few of the veteran players on his team or his agent. There’s nothing to suggest he’s the playboy I would assume he’d be based on his exceedingly good looks.

I instinctively glance down at my phone even though it’s in Airplane Mode. I wonder what Lloyd is like. We messaged for hours last night. There was a connection. He was funny in a self-deprecating kind of way. He asked me a lot of questions and seemed genuinely interested, even though he has no idea what I look like. There’s something endearing about that.

I turn to the girls. “Do you think you can develop feelings for someone if you don’t know what they look like? Can you fall for their personality first without the physical factoring in at all?”

Reggie sighs. “We discussed this yesterday. Why are you suddenly so hyper-focused on it?” She narrows her eyes. “What’s going on?”

I lick my lips nervously. “When you guys fell asleep last night, I was messaging with a guy on the dating app. We sort of connected. I like him even though I’ve never seen a photo of him. And I think he likes me even though he doesn’t know what I look like. He was so sweet and charming. There was something about our conversation that has me wanting more. We…clicked.”

Amanda shrugs. “I spent my whole life going for hot assholes. I placed too much emphasis on looks. Then I did a one-eighty and married an average-looking guy who was stable because I thought it was best for Jade. Her whole childhood was spent dealing with my asshole exes, and I felt like I owed her stability.” She sighs. “That marriage didn’t last very long. There was no spark. I felt so unfulfilled. I think I need physical attraction.”

Reggie rolls her eyes. “He was a fucking boring douchebag. Unattractive and no personality. You gotta have at least one or the other. I know Sam is no Beckett in the looks department, few are, but I love his personality and his heart. He’s a wonderful man. We were best friends for years before it turned romantic. So, yes, I think you can fall for a personality. I did. There’s such a thing as the personality spark.”

Part of me is dying to know what Lloyd looks like, but the other part is enjoying this little experiment. I went for physical attractiveness in my marriage and ignored some of the red flags. This time, I want a man who looks at me in twenty years the way Sam still looks at Reggie. I want to laugh together the way they do. I want to finish each other’s sentences the way they do.

An hour later, we land in Philly. It’s around midnight, but I find myself rushing to turn my phone off Airplane Mode to see if Lloyd messaged me while we were in the air. He said he’d reach out tonight.

As my phone comes to life, I’m immediately hit with a barrage of missed texts and phone calls. It’s so odd. They’re from Cheetah.

Cruz “Cheetah” Gonzales is a professional baseball player for the Philly Cougars and is one of Tanner’s longtime clients and friends. I don’t know that he’s ever once called me. In fact, I’m not sure I realized I had his contact information in my phone.

I begin reading his texts and let out a cry. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Reggie asks with concern written all over her face.

I look up at her as my heart sinks. “Tanner was in a car accident.”

The past few hours have been a blur. When I called Cheetah as soon as I got his messages, he told me Tanner had wrapped his car around a pole. He was in the hospital with a bad concussion, but it was Bailey who was injured the most. She’d need surgery for a variety of issues and will require more surgery in the days ahead.

The girls offered to get my luggage so I could quickly hop in a cab and head straight to the hospital. It was the longest twenty-minute cab ride of my life.

I’ve been sitting at Tanner’s bedside holding his hand for hours while he sleeps with tears steadily streaming down my face, thinking about what could have happened to him. A part of me will always love him. For many years, I thought he was the love of my life. And he’s Harper’s father. I’m so grateful he’ll be okay.

I take him in. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him while he’s asleep. Even with the bruising and bandages, he’s still such a handsome man. He’s got dark hair and an equally dark beard. I used to love running my fingers through that beard. It’s started going a little gray over the past year or two, but it only makes him that much more attractive.

I met Tanner when I was fresh out of grad school and living in New York City. He’s a few years older than me and was already an established sports agent. He was working for a big company at the time, but he was quickly building a great reputation for himself in the industry, securing athlete after athlete.

He was such a grown-up. I felt like I had only dated boys until I met Tanner, who was all man through and through.

I fell hard and fast. My love for him ran so deep I ignored the fact that he loved his job more than he loved me. Spending time on his career was always his number one priority. He didn’t even pretend otherwise.

I convinced myself it was admirable that he was so focused and determined. It was normal for him to forget date nights, birthdays, and anniversaries because he was building something special. It only got worse when he started his own company, but we were married by then.

The sex was always incredible. It was the only time he was solely focused on me, so I wanted it as much as possible. It became a bit of an addiction for me. He opened my eyes to a little kink, and I was consumed by it. By him. His tying me to our bed and having his way with me for hours was my happy place for so many years. My only happy place…until Harper.

After Harper was born, I thought things would get better. We had this amazing little miracle to care for. But if anything, it got worse. He became more distant. He never changed a diaper. He’d sit in bed at night writing emails or reading contracts instead of looking at me. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night right next to him, but he never once noticed because his mind and attention were elsewhere.

I would lie there and will him to put down his work and look at me, but he never did. It was always about his business. I became an accessory, and I quietly let it get worse throughout the years, not wanting to ruffle feathers.

We went through the motions for so many years until it came to a boiling point. The divorce was relatively quick and entirely amicable. Neither of us played the blame game. There was nothing to be gained by it. The marriage was dead, but we still had Harper to consider.

He recognized my sanity was hanging by a thread and shockingly agreed to move his entire business to my hometown, Philadelphia. He bought me a beautiful house near his, and we’ve peacefully co-parented for six years. We rarely argue, seeing eye to eye on most things involving Harper.

The crazy thing is, the divorce forced him to become a better father. He may only have Harper half the time, but when he’s with her, he’s really with her. He adores her, and they have an amazing relationship. If breaking my heart was what was needed for Harper to gain the father she deserves, then it was worth all my pain and suffering. She’s a happy, loved, and thriving little girl.

I’m brought back to the present by the other people sitting in Tanner’s hospital room. Cheetah has been here consoling Bailey’s identical twin sister, Kamryn, who is also a professional softball player. While Kamryn did help Bailey coach Harper’s softball team this past spring, I’ve barely ever spoken a word to her. But for hours tonight, I’ve listened to her belittle Tanner and talk about how it should be him with the broken back instead of Bailey. I’ve tried to have compassion for what she’s going through, but she’s driving me crazy. I’m quickly learning how opposite she is in personality from her sister.

Finally, in the middle of the night, Tanner wakes. He blinks a few times, taking in his surroundings before looking at me and immediately asking for Bailey.