Page 59 of Kill Me

“I haven’t been making all of this up. I’m in pain. I have things wrong with me that I can’t explain. I hear the voices. Although, whenever I’m with you, the voices disappear. But I would agree that at times I have used my health to manipulate situations for attention. I haven’t lied, and I’ve not done that with you, but I’ve been scared to minimise things in case you decide I don’t need you anymore.”

I move closer to her, swinging my arms around her shoulders and running my fingertips through her hair. “You never have to be scared of that. I’m all in. As a therapist. As a man. As whatever you potentially want me to be, I’m all in. But I need to be your therapist first. Before anything else, that’s what we need to tackle. That’s how we live the best life we possibly can. At the end of this, what do you want? What do you dream of?”

“I want to help people like me. I want to do what you do. Save them from their abusers and free them from the confines of darkness. I want to paint people’s faces and teach them they’re beautiful, but I don’t know if physically my body can endure that. Despite what my family says, the impact of my accident has changed my body forever, and with that comes the changing of my dreams. That’s for future me to figure out. For now, I want to do what I need to do and find out who I really am.” She contemplates her next words before she says them.

“As for us? After I’m better? I want to burn the world together.”

I pull her in closer and plant a kiss on her head. “I can get behind that plan, Magpie.”

“So, what’s next?” she asks.

“We start the ketamine therapy, and we get you better. Does tomorrow work for you?” She nods. “Usually, we would do it over a seven-day period. Two or three infusions, but with intensive therapy every single day. But the first two days are medical screenings and intention settings because it’s usually the first time a patient would be meeting the therapist. As we have an established relationship, we can forgo those things. You can give me the information I need, and I should have your blood test results by then, which will give me enough of a view medically speaking. It’s not the standard way, but we have to work with what we’ve got, and that’s both of us, the three of them, and this little furry beast.” He fusses Ted’s ears.

“Speaking of the three of them, what’s up with X and Rhiannon?”

I chuckle. “Your guess is as good as mine, but the minute he laid his eyes on her, he became as obsessed with her as I am with you.”

“You’re obsessed with me?” She turns her head to look up at me, a small smile gracing her face.

“I think it’s safe to say you’ve eclipsed my entire world. I’ve always been a boundary guy with my patients, but you came along and threw all of that out the window.”

“I love a rule breaker.” She winks at me. “Come on, then let’s get started.”

We spend the rest of the evening with the rest of the group. It’s important for Quinn to see she can belong somewhere else, that her company is enough. So we ordered a takeaway—which she tried to refuse—and when nobody could decide on something to watch, X jumped at the chance to carry on bingeing The Vampire Diaries and try to convert Quinn to Team Elena.

It was a nice, calm evening. Something we all needed after the stress of the last few weeks and the run-up to the next one, which will be a lot for all of us. Lools and I have talked about when to tell Quinn certain things about her job and what she does, but I think we’ll know the right moment when it comes.

One thing’s for sure, and that’s that this woman has me captivated. Quinn sees herself as broken, but all I see is that broken things put back together are all the more beautiful.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Harley - Present Day

I received Quinn’s blood test results last night, and my brain is rattled. Through talking to Quinn, I’ve learned that her pain medication hasn’t been working, and when she was at home with her family, the voices and intrusive thoughts were darker and more frequent. And I think I’ve figured out why.

Her blood tests showed that she hasn’t actually been taking any pain medication, her antidepressants, or her antipsychotic medication. No trace of her anti-anxiety medication. Nothing.

Quinn woke from a nightmare last night while I was working through some notes getting ready for today, and I must have fallen asleep while I was comforting her. Fully clothed, of course, much to my dick’s exasperation. She stirs beside me, and her eyes flutter open.

“Mornin’, Bones. Fancy seein’ you here.” She yawns, looking all the more beautiful as she does so.

“Morning, Little Magpie, are you ready for today?”

She whimpers as she moves. “You okay?” I ask her.

“My pain is really bad today. Whatever you gave me yesterday worked wonders. It actually took the edge off, and I felt like I could function for the first time since I left the hospital after my accident.”

“I’ve put your pain meds on the kitchen table next to your breakfast. We need you to be comfortable because today’s going to be a lot. I think I might know why it worked so well, and you’re not going to like it.”

“For fuck’s sake, what now?” She moves to sit up and turns to face me.

“You’ve not been taking any meds, Quinn.”

“What do you mean? Yes, I have. My mother would give me them, multiple times a day, every day.”

“I don’t know what your mum was giving you, but it wasn’t your prescribed medication.” I pull up the report on my phone and explain to her what it means. “Your levels for each medication are zero. I can’t tell you how long you haven’t been taking them, but I can tell you for sure, you haven’t. I would hazard a guess that she was giving you vitamins as a placebo effect. Based on the things you’ve told me, it’s quite possibly been years. But I think I know why you’ve been hearing the voices. There’s something called scopolamine, also known as Devil’s Breath, that is known to induce hallucinations. In lesser doses it’s not dangerous, per se, but the levels in your blood indicate a significant overdose, which I believe has caused the voices. Which is probably why whenever I’m around they disappear, because the amount in your system isn’t being topped up.”

The rage that radiates from her is electric.