Page 87 of Kill Me

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my entire life.”

“Okay. Eat up. We need you fed and hydrated for today, then.”

She nods. “Hey, guys.” Everyone stops what they’re doing to pay her the attention she deserves. “I just wanted to say… Thank you. The last week has been rough, but you’ve given me more freedom than I ever could have anticipated. There was a huge part of me that worried I’d made the wrong decision, but I know now that I didn’t. I know now that the only way for me to fully move on with my life—our lives—is to rid the world of the remaining evil in my life. I just wanted you all to know how much I love and appreciate you.”

“Quinn,” Lulu says, “You have nothing to be thankful for. We do this for complete strangers every month of the year. To do it for you has been a privilege, and I would do it over and over again. As I’m sure, would the others.”

We all nod our heads in response. I reach under the table and squeeze her thigh with my hand before speaking. “The only thanks we need is for you to get better and thrive for the rest of your life.”

“Well, with you guys by my side, I couldn’t do anything but.”

She smiles at me gratefully, and I return the sentiment. “Now, chop chop, eat your food.”

“Yes, sir,” she responds, and I groan whilst everyone else collapses into fits of laughter.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Quinn - Present Day

Day 3 of therapy

Today should be day three of my intensive therapy sessions. Instead, it feels like it’s day one hundred and fifty-five. Dramatic, I know. But I’m at the point where I’ve realised this will be a lifetime thing to recover from. I was naïve at the start, and despite Bones’ warnings of it not being a magical fix, there was still a part of me that expected it all to be over. But that’s not practical or realistic.

I needed the break, though. My emotions needed to regulate, and I needed to start the process of learning who Quinn is and what makes her tick now. What makes her happy? What are her dreams? And with Bones’ help, I’ve begun to learn some of those things. Top of the list is orgasms from him, that’s for sure. My world was rocked, and my legs shook for a good hour afterwards. It’s criminal that I had a whole marriage before this and he didn’t even know how to locate the clitoris.

I think today’s session needs to address him. As my recovered memories have started to sink in, other memories have come to the forefront of my mind that I’d either not thought about in a long time or that I’d tried to pretend never happened. The last time I had to talk about a subject like this, I asked for Lulu. But Bones has earned my trust. I thought I was protecting him by keeping the details from him, but I find it impossible to keep things from him, as does Lulu, so ultimately he will always learn them in the end. He might as well hear it firsthand.

I’ve been watching Ted's zoomies as he spins around the garden, making me dizzy. It’s become the highlight of my mornings. He stops short when he sees me in the doorway and comes trotting over to greet me.

“Good morning, boy. Are you ready for this?” He licks my face. “Good. Me too. Let’s go.” He follows me to the therapy room, where Bones has already prepared the things he needs to. The blinds are open, and the sunlight is pouring in. The first few days I was in here, I wanted it to be dark. I didn’t want to feel the sun on my skin. I thought I was undeserving. I don’t feel like that anymore.

The last week of Bones worshipping my body and providing me a safe space within himself has taught me that I am worthy. I’m not quite at the point where I believe my body is beautiful, but I no longer recoil when he cuddles into my belly at night-time. Appreciating the moments for what they are instead of what my mother would tell me they should be.

As always, I'm dressed for therapy in one of his oversized hoodies. Today’s choice is Yungblud, with the lyrics of Polygraph Eyes on the back. I curl up in my chair with a blanket over my lap and lift it so Ted can snuggle underneath. Bones is watching us with a look of happiness in his eyes. “What?” I ask him.

He shakes his head. “Absolutely nothing. It’s just…my two favourite people in front of me is something I never thought I’d have the privilege of seeing.”

“I hate to break it to you, Bones, but Ted isn’t a person.” Ted’s head shoots up from under the blanket and he side-eyes me. Little fucker.

“Looks like Ted disagrees with you there.” He chuckles as he goes about the usual routine with the IV. This time I’m a little nervous about the dreamlike state it puts me in. I don’t know why, but the unknown for me has become less about being afraid and more about becoming the known.

“Before we start, can I get some pain meds please?”

“You know you don’t have to ask me every time you want them? You’ve spent years having them withheld from you, Magpie. You’re not an addict.”

“I know. I just feel more comfortable not being in control of them. If I take control, I worry I’ll never trust someone around my medication again.”

He nods. “That makes sense. What would you say your pain levels are today?”

“About a seven. And I have zero spoons.”

Bones hands me the medication and sits down opposite me, slurping his iced coffee through a straw, and I can’t help but laugh as I shake my head. This man is everything. “Well, it’s a good job you don’t need the spoons when I’m around.”

After a few minutes, we begin. “So. What do you want to talk about today?” he asks.

“My ex-husband,” I reply without hesitation.

He nods. “Your ex-husband it is.”