Page 36 of Virtually Guarded

I didn’t know. Good might not have even been an option anymore. But I wanted things to be good with Xavier. I wanted him to be with me. Declaration or not, claiming or not, he was mine. And that meant things could be good if I let them.

“Yeah,” I said. “We’re good.”

Chapter Eight: Xavier

Ren’s bed wasn’t very big, but we maneuvered until we fit. Both lying on our sides, him against my front with my arm draped over him. The bed was in the middle of the room, so neither of us was against a wall. That seemed to reassure him.

He fell asleep within a minute or two of us lying down, breathing softly with occasional rasps. Not quite snores, but close. The sound didn’t even slightly annoy me. It was endearing. Not a word I used often, but with Ren, it felt appropriate.

I dozed off not long after, and the next thing I knew, the sky outside the window was bright blue. And I was still holding Ren, and it felt completely right.

He stirred slightly and murmured something, then, wide-eyed, peered at me over his shoulder. “Oh. Xavier.”

“Yes. Good morning.” I wasn’t quite sure how to take his reaction. “All good?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He took a deep breath and rolled to face me. “Really good. You stayed.”

“I promised.” I studied his sleep-drooping eyelids and the slight crease in his cheek from the pillowcase, which had gotten bunched up somehow. His hair was still spiky, but now the spikes were more tousled, messy from being slept on. “I need to check the time. I have to be on duty this morning.”

“Yeah.” He hesitated, then planted a short, sweet kiss on my lips. “Okay.”

My lips tingled like someone had static-zapped me. Like Ren’s lips were still on them, and that was precisely what I wanted. More kissing. Touching. The incredible heat and hunger from our kiss the other day. We were already in bed. What would that kind of kiss feel like lying down, when we could move our hands over each other?

He blinked and grinned. “Wow. Never thought a little peck would be that intense.”

“Mates.” I grinned back and reluctantly got up to look at my phone, which I’d left on the bureau. “Shit. I should have been downstairs five minutes ago. Sorry, Ren. I need to go.”

“No worries.” He sat up, and the blanket he’d pulled over us fell to his lap. He still wore the clothes he’d had on the day before, with the T-shirt outlining his chest. I quickly turned back to the bureau so he wouldn’t realize I’d noticed. “I, um. Are you going to change your clothes before you go downstairs?”

“Yeah, I should.” I was already late, but this was the final morning of the gathering, and diplomacy and professionalism would be required, just as on the day the guests arrived. I sent a quick text to Seth to apologize for not being on duty on time and let him know I would be down as soon as I put on clean clothes.

“I should too, right?” He looked down at the T-shirt and grimaced. “I need a new binder. This is frustrating.”

“Binder?” I checked myself in the mirror. I didn’t look like I needed a shower. A quick sniff of my armpits told me that I didn’t smell offensive either, so I could probably get away with just quickly washing up at one of the bathroom sinks.

“To, um, make my chest look less boobish.” He scoffed. “It compresses them. So I have more of what people think of as a guy chest.”

“Ah.” To me, that sounded painful, but it sounded like Ren had worn a binder before, so maybe it wasn’t too bad. “Did you get to talk to the Anax yesterday about clothes and a phone and such?”

“A little, but then I saw the asshole from Connecticut Pack.” He scrambled off the bed and moved to stand next to me. His head barely reached my shoulder. “There’s not much I can do about binding unless there are bandages around here somewhere. The wrap kind? I’ve used those in a pinch before. They aren’t recommended. Binding with bandages can cause long term damage. But for just today, I think it would be all right.”

I frowned. Damage didn’t sound “all right” in the slightest. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself. It sounds important to you to bind, but is it a good idea to do it this way?”

He rested his hand on my arm. “I know you’re trying to help. You can’t understand how important it is to me. How wrong I’ve felt the past couple of days just hoping that these T-shirts are loose enough to hide my chest from others, but worse, I can feel them.” He cupped his breasts. “Bouncing. Moving. Fucking existing. My dream would be to have them and my uterus fucking yoinked forever, but since I can’t do that, I need to bind. I can’t deal with them today.”

His voice was thick by the time he finished speaking, and looking at him in the mirror, I was pretty sure I saw tears in his eyes. Clearly he was right. I couldn’t understand how important binding was to him, but I could feel it through his emotions. And I didn’t need to understand to do something to help him.

“Come with me to the bathroom and we’ll find something,” I said. Every bathroom in the place was stocked with a first aid kit. The type of bandage Ren was talking about had to be in those kits.

The nearest bathroom was practically right outside the door. In there, I located the kit in a very narrow linen closet built into the wall. The kit did, in fact, hold three wrap bandages. I gave all three to Ren. “Do what you need to do. I’m sorry I didn’t get it.”

“I don’t think you could get it unless you were a trans guy. And some trans guys aren’t bothered by their chests, so they might not understand either.” He flashed a tiny smile. “Thank you. I’ll be careful. Like I said, for today, I think I’ll be all right.”

“The gathering is over.” I turned on the faucet and splashed water on my face. I was even later getting on duty now. I could only hope that the Anax and Seth would understand that I needed to help my mate. “Most of the guests are still here, and there might be one more meeting this morning, but some have probably already left, and it’s going to be a…” I grabbed a small towel from the shelf beside the sink. “I can’t say it’s going to be a quiet day. Everyone’s going to be leaving. Or most of them. A few will stay, because tomorrow is the Anax and Kyle’s wedding and they’re invited to it. Guests will be showing up for that today or early tomorrow.”

“Wedding?” Ren sighed. “Yeah. Definitely need new clothes. I mean, I’m probably not invited. The Anax and Kyle don’t know me well enough to invite me to their wedding.”

“You’re a member of the Anax’s household,” I said. “You’re invited, I’m pretty sure. Point being, today might be a day to have someone bring you into town so you can get new clothes. If there is a meeting this morning, it’ll be short, and then someone might be able to take you shopping. I can’t, not until tonight, but maybe one of the Boston wolves? Or one of the other guards.”