Page 66 of Virtually Guarded

What the fuck even was my life?

However many days ago, I’d woken up planning another day of avoiding Xavier. Pretending he wasn’t here, because that was easier than worrying about how to be with him. Or about not being with him, which had been my real worry. I’d believed my place in this house, my place by Xavier’s side, hung by a thread, especially with all of the damn memories of my time on the street. The images of what I’d done out there before I was changed.

I’d done what I had to do to survive, like Xavier had said. It wasn’t like I’d had many options. The fear that had built over the past few days was that other people would think I should be ashamed. That they would be ashamed of me.

That it would give the Anax a reason to kick me out. Give Xavier a reason to decide there was no way in hell he would want me as his mate.

That was why I’d fled. Not out of shame, but out of fear. Because Xavier hadn’t stopped me from leaving the attic, and that had fueled the belief that the truth was more than he could accept.

He had accepted it, though. Accepted me. He’d rescued me from Gregory. Hell, he’d spent days sitting beside me until I healed enough to open my eyes. Even after I woke, Xavier had stayed with me. Today, having had to go back to work, he’d come to me as soon as he was able.

Now here we were, wrapped up in each other, me completely naked except for the binder, him naked from the well-defined abs down. He loved me. I didn’t know what the hell to do with that.

So I didn’t do anything with it. I wasn’t going to think about love when I could follow through on what I’d offered earlier.

“Take off your shirt,” I said with my lips against the spot on his neck that had revved him up so much before.

“Huh?” He moaned softly. “Ren.”

“You’re seeing me.” Most of me. “I want to see you.”

“Sure. Then stop kissing me so I can sit up.”

“That’s no fun.” Grinning, I moved off him.

He almost literally ripped off the shirt and tossed it aside. Messing up my room. I would have to talk to him about that later, when we could talk. In a completely joking way, because I honestly didn’t care where his shirt was as long as it wasn’t on him.

I couldn’t have said why I wanted him so badly now. Not that I needed to say a goddamn thing.

As I watched him toss his shirt, ran my gaze over his pecs, imagined his hands wandering my skin, I wanted him to claim me. Not that I would have said so for a million bucks. Even if my life depended on it. Claiming meant forever, and forever was bullshit. But I wanted to belong to him even if it was for some length of time that didn’t exist.

“Ren.” He lay back, arms open. “Come here.”

Shit. He could hear what I was thinking through that damn bond.

“I’m good.” I lay on him again and started kissing, because using my mouth on his bare skin would fend off any conversation. Conversation wasn’t what was supposed to happen right now.

He didn’t stop me as I once again moved my lips down his neck and torso. I teased him by kissing his thighs and caressing them, getting closer to his dick but not actually touching it despite how much I wanted to feel that thick cock in my hand. And in my mouth.

“Ren.” He ran his hand through my hair and tugged gently. Surprised, I looked up at him across the expanse of his abdomen and chest. I expected him to tell me to quit what I was doing. Instead, he said, “You said I could play with you while you suck my dick.”

“I did, didn’t I.” I planted another kiss just above where the tip of his cock rested on his belly, then maneuvered myself around so my feet were once again beside his head. “Better?”

He rested his hand on my ass, and I shivered at the heat of that touch. “Much better. Stop me if I do anything you don’t want.”

“I already promised I would.” I kissed his thigh again, and he let out another soft moan. “Enough talking, Xavier, all right? Talk only if you need to tell me something important. Otherwise, shut up and enjoy the ride.”

He murmured something that sounded like agreement and caressed my ass cheek as I finally gave him what he wanted.

His cock was more than I could take all the way into my mouth, but I gave it a damn good try, sliding my lips over the wide head poking out of the foreskin, wrapping one hand around the shaft closer to his body. With a louder moan, he moved his hand along my ass crack, and I parted my legs more to give him better access.

I wasn’t necessarily a fan of someone doing me while I gave head. It distracted me from my task. But Xavier’s thick fingers moved so hesitantly that I had no trouble keeping my mind and mouth on his dick. He moved his fingers along my slit, and I gasped as he circled my asshole.

“Can I touch you here?” he murmured.”

I didn’t want to stop licking and sucking that deliciously thick cock to answer. Then I remembered I didn’t have to. Mates. Anywhere. Fuck me with your fingers. Ass or the other hole, doesn’t matter. Both feel good. At least his fingers couldn’t knock me up if he decided to do that hole.

“Which do you want?” He circled my asshole again, then moved his finger to my vagina.