Page 130 of Allegiant

He shifts his eyes off to the side, like he can’t bear to look at me while he destroys the little I have left in the world. “I’m selling this place. I’m sorry. I know this studio is your home, but I can’t justify the running costs.”

There’s one word ricocheting around in my mind. Developer. “They aren’t keeping the studio, are they?”

Derek winces and shakes his head. “They’re going to put up an apartment block. There’s a great need for it, apparently.”

“No,” I seethe. “There’s plenty of housing in St. Dismas, and we both know it. What there’s a great need for is art. A place for children to express themselves. For adults to find joy they thought they’d lost. That’s what’s needed, Derek, not greed!”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, already backing out of the room, not looking sorry at all. “But it’s done. We close in two weeks.”

I’m speechless as he leaves. I temporarily forget that I’m not alone, right up until Samson appears in front of me.

His large hands cup my face. “Rowan, I’m so⁠—”

“Just go.” I can’t hear another apology from him. The inches my guard had lowered earlier are gone now. This news has my walls so high I don’t think there’s any hope of it ever retreating again. “Please.”

“I’m not leaving you while you’re upset.”

If Samson plans on staying until I’m happy, he’ll be waiting for eternity. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again.

See, this is what happens. Anything I love is taken from me. My parents. Adam. Samson. Now I’m losing dance, too. My job. Oh god. What am I going to do?

I’m seconds away from breaking. Part of me wants to let Samson catch the pieces, but that’ll just be setting me up for even more hurt.

I don’t think I’d survive it.

“Please,” I repeat softly. “If you ever loved me, just go.”

Samson sighs before he presses a kiss firmly to my forehead. “Fine. But I won’t stay away. I’m going to win you back, I promise.”

His words barely register. I’m too numb. Reeling from everything that’s just happened.

“Now’s not the time. It’s really not,” I say, my voice cracking.

His hand slips from me, and I feel the loneliness creep in, the complete loss.

There’s nothing graceful about how I collapse to the floor. Or the sobs that are torn from my lungs.

This is what you deserve, a cruel voice whispers. All you’ll ever deserve. No matter what you’ve done in life, this is all you’ll ever have. Regrets and broken dreams.

It’s true. I thought maybe things could be different, but I was wrong.

Adam won’t know happiness, and neither will I.

33

ROWAN

I have a message on my phone as I’m leaving the studio. It’s from Adi. My heart races and my skin grows cold at the sight of her name. I feel the press of that gun against my temple, see the anger in her eyes. I break out in a sweat, but then it washes away, and I’m left feeling resigned and sad once more.

Anxious more than anything.

I can’t blame her for any of it. If I were in her shoes, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing.

She was at the end of her rope. I’ve been there before. I feel like I’m there now.

I know it’s wrong to forgive her so easily when I can’t forgive Samson, but the reality is that what he did hurt more. I let him into my home. My life. My heart.

And he lied to me the whole time.