Page 154 of Allegiant

I might be hiding the truth from the Buckinghams, but I’m not above going to The Firm.

In the early hours of this morning, long before the sun rose, I snuck from my house while Patrick slept. Dressed in black and a balaclava, I was confident my identity would be concealed. It was a risk—The Firm only honor requests if they know who to demand a price from.

But I’m desperate. I’ll try anything.

Anything other than telling Harley. This is my mess; I’m not dragging him into it.

I don’t want him to hate me.

I haven’t asked for much. Just enough to get me a one-way ticket to the East Coast, transferred to an offshore account that can’t be traced back to me.

My plan has been in place for a while—since the day Patrick showed up on my doorstep and proclaimed he was back for good.

Before reminding me why I love him being away so much.

I’d had to call out sick that day, too.

And the one after.

Anyone other than the Buckinghams would’ve fired me long before now. But they are loyal to those they consider in their inner circle. I’m honored to be part of it.

But I’m not stupid. I’m there because of Harley. Because he looks at me the way I always wanted a man to. The way I’m desperate to look at him. How I sometimes do, before reminding myself why I can’t.

I’m damaged goods in the worst possible way. Even with Patrick out of the picture, I won’t ever be worthy of Harley. I’m too broken. Too jaded. Too untrusting.

He deserves someone who will love him with all the joy in their heart. And the truth is, that person can never be me. How can it, when my heart is full of poison?

If the Buckinghams knew the truth, if Harley knew the truth, I’d be cast out. I know that. Harley’s feelings come first, as they should.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When I finally returned to work after Patrick’s unexpected reappearance in my life, I knew things had to change. I tried to put distance between me and Harley. To gently create a natural break.

I should’ve known Harley would never allow it. He’s a Buckingham, after all. He’s used to getting what he wants.

And he wants me. He’s made that abundantly clear.

The problem is that the version he thinks he wants? He isn’t real. He doesn’t exist. I created him in order to survive.

This, this right here, this is the real me—hiding in a bathroom, tears streaming down my face, trying to get up the courage to do something as simple as flick the lock open on my door.

The Buckinghams have no idea how they’ve helped me over the past few weeks. Ansel happily answered my questions about all sorts of bank accounts and cryptocurrency without ever wondering why I was asking. Neo let me keep him company as he checked the cameras around the church where the drop site was, not realizing I was marking their positions so I could avoid them. Cade gave me the extra self-defense lessons I requested.

Not that they’ve helped. One look at Patrick’s face and I become paralyzed with fear. The punch he gave me rattled my brain.

But I had to try something.

My eyes glance over at my phone screen for the notification that my freedom is in sight. As soon as that money hits the account, I’ll be gone. I don’t have access to any of my own money. Patrick monitors every transaction. But if The Firm comes through for me, I’ll finally be free of him.

It remains stubbornly dark.

It’s going to be okay, I tell myself. You’ll find a way out of this.

I wish I could believe that.

Once I’m on the East Coast, I’ll go to the Windsors and ask of them what I couldn’t of the Buckinghams. Not without giving away who is truly doing the asking, anyway.

What I need is a new identity. One that will allow me to hide from Patrick permanently.